


Royal Guard

by tchrgleek



Category: Glee
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Animal Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-21 11:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1549208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchrgleek/pseuds/tchrgleek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson had always wanted a dog. He didn't expect everything that would come along with it, especially not a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**May, 2020**

Blaine Anderson-Hummel has wanted a dog for as long as he could remember.

“It’s not happening, Blaine.”

“C’mon, Kurt. My dad is allergic, so we could never get one when I was a kid. Please?”

“Not. Happening.”

“I don’t get it? Why not? I’m home all day, you’re home in the evenings. It’s not like they’d be short on attention.”

“How many reasons do you want?” asks Kurt. “Dogs chew on things. Vet bills are expensive. I don’t want to have to go on an evening walk when it’s raining or snowing or too hot or too humid or any other day I just don’t feel like it. I hate little yippy dogs, and there is no way a full size dog will survive in this apartment. And did I mention, dogs chew on things? Like shoes? No. Not gonna happen.”

Blaine sighs and says, “Fine. You win. I’m sorry I asked.”

“Oh, honey,” Kurt responds. “Don’t ever be sorry for asking me something. It’s just animals and I, we don’t get along, like at all. Never have.”

“I get it. I love you anyway.”

“I love you, too.” Kurt puts his arm across the back of the couch, around his husband’s shoulders. “Maybe I can make it up to you some other way?”

Blaine leans his head on Kurt’s shoulder. “Hmmm. What did you have in mind?”

Kurt turns his head to angle in for a kiss. “Let me show you.”

Blaine forgot all about wanting a dog after that.

  


**November, 2020**

Kurt Anderson-Hummel is very good at what he does. He has spent the past 8 years writing fashion columns, first for _Vogue.com_ , now for _New York Magazine’s The Cut_. At the same time, he earned his Theater Studies degree from NYADA and discovered a penchant for writing about the theater as well. After constant rejection auditioning for roles in the theater world, he joined the Media Criticism department at NYU as a master’s student pursuing a journalism degree. Thanks to intense hard work and marketing the quality of the results of his effort, he was eventually offered a job as an adjunct professor in the department.

Even so, certain times of year are easier for Kurt than others, and the push towards the end of the semester is excruciatingly hard. Reading media critiques written by sophomores can be absolutely painful. There really should be a law about taking upper level journalism classes without knowing the difference between a thesis and a theater. If Kurt sees the word _literally_ misused one more time he will spontaneously combust, but not literally.

He is on his way home after the last class of the day before the Thanksgiving holiday when he realizes he left a stack of first-draft essays in his office. Since he has to get them back to his students in time for them to revise, edit and publish them before the end of the semester, he sighs, turns around, and heads back across campus. He knows full well that the reason so many of his students like him is because he is so accommodating, nevertheless he curses himself as he ducks his head against the freezing wind to fetch the papers. _Why don’t I insist they submit their work online like everyone else I know? Why do I let them print them in the first place?_

After the mad dash up four flights of stairs and down three hallways, he slows down as he heads back out of the building. He stops for a second as the wind hits him in the face, biting at his nose, freezing the hairs in his nostrils. He wraps his scarf around his neck a bit tighter and startles at the sound of a plaintive whine coming from behind him to his right. He turns to see what made the noise, but there is nothing in his line of sight. He shakes his head and steps off towards the subway station when he hears the noise again. He turns and hesitates when he hears the mournful cry a third time. He decides to make sure that everything is okay and walks to the corner of the building when he sees it, a large shoe box, duct-taped shut, tucked up next to the dumpster, wiggling.

Kurt rushes over and hears a scrabbling sound along with some much quieter whines. He crouches down and carefully tears off the tape holding the box closed and lifts the lid off the box to find a golden retriever puppy inside, with two others who hadn’t made it and some traces of dog food. Kurt covers his face with his hand and gulps down a cry of his own. He looks around for any sign of who might have left the animals here, but there are none. Knowing the cold weather and long weekend would surely kill the remaining puppy, Kurt decides to empty out the box of everything except the living dog, tuck the box under his arm, and take it home with him. He can find out where the pound is later and deliver it, but for now, he and this dog need to get in out of the cold.

Kurt manages to get through rush hour on the subway without dropping either the box or the papers. He knows Blaine should already be at the theater, preparing for his role as Rooster in _Annie_. That will give him some time to figure out what to do with the puppy before his husband gets home. However, when he unlocks the door to the apartment, he hears noise in the bathroom.

“Blaine, is that you?”

Kurt hears a muffled groan from the back of the apartment.

“Blaine? Are you okay, honey?” Kurt sets the box down on the floor and the papers on the dining room table.  He walks back through the hallway and finds Blaine huddled on the floor of the bathroom, clutching his stomach.

“I think I got the flu,” Blaine says, whimpering. “I feel awful. I already called in for tonight, but I don’t think I’m going to be okay going to Adam’s tomorrow.” Since Blaine has to perform over the holiday weekend, traveling back to Ohio was out of the question, so Kurt and Blaine have plans to hang out with Adam and his partner, Larry, for Thanksgiving, as they have done most years since they moved to New York.

It could be awkward, hanging out with a guy you dated briefly during the period you and your husband refer to as "the dark time", but it's really not.  Adam and Kurt work so much better as friends. One look at Adam with Larry and it’s obvious they are meant to be, just like Kurt and Blaine are.  Adam labeled them as such in his Best Man toast at their wedding, along with telling some stories that Kurt would really rather hadn’t been shared.

“Oh, honey, that’s okay. I’ll call them tonight. They’ll understand. Can I get you anything?”

“Maybe some water? I don’t think I can handle anything else right now.”

Kurt heads back to the kitchen.  As he passes the box he'd put down it catches his eye.  The lid is off to the side; the puppy is gone.

 _Oh crap. Where did it go?_ Kurt looks around the dining room and living room area quickly but doesn’t see the puppy at all. He quickly grabs Blaine’s water and hurries back to the bathroom, hoping that the puppy hasn't gone far or caused any damage in the meantime.

When he gets to the bathroom, Blaine is still sitting on the floor, but this time, he’s holding and cuddling the puppy.

“Who is this and how did he get into our house?” Blaine asked, grinning.

Kurt smiled sadly. “When I was leaving work today I heard this little guy whining and crying. He was in a box by the dumpster with the rest of the litter. They didn’t make it. I couldn’t just leave him there to die, could I?”

“Of course not.” Cuddling the puppy even closer, Blaine coos, “Poor sweet thing. What a good thing daddy Kurt found you.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow as he sets the water down by Blaine. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No, just help me back to bed, would you? And can I cuddle with this little guy for a while?”

“Don’t get yourself too attached, Blaine Anderson-Hummel,” Kurt replied, while helping Blaine over to the bed.  “ _Daddy Kurt_ will be bringing him to the pound as soon as they open on Friday.”

“Aw, Kurt. He’s so cute, though. Can’t we keep him at least for the weekend? If you hate him, I’ll bring him to the pound myself on Monday.”

Kurt hesitates for a moment, thinking through his options. “That would actually be great. I can still hit the Black Friday sales that way and I’ll be able to get those essays read before I have to go back to work on Monday, as well.”

Kurt tucks the puppy under the covers with Blaine. “So, tell me you know how to take care of a dog, because I don’t have a clue.”

“I really don’t. I told you, my dad was allergic to everything, so I’ve never had a pet. Seriously, though, there are hundreds of thousands of dogs as pets in this city. How hard can it really be?”

  


Kurt runs down to the store on the corner to buy a small bag of Puppy Chow and pick up a few tips from the clerk at the same time. Apparently, puppies need to use the bathroom more often than adult dogs, so she warns him to take the puppy out before bedtime to hopefully get a few hours of sleep. He also discovers that he’s lucky the puppy is old enough to actually eat the Puppy Chow. He wonders what kind of heartless idiot would keep a litter of puppies until they were old enough to be weaned and then leave them by a dumpster to die.

 _A few hours of sleep? What the heck?_ thinks Kurt, as he walks out of the store, _It’s a puppy, not a baby_.

Kurt finds out at three in the morning just how wrong he was. Even though he’d taken the puppy out to the bathroom at eleven, he wakes up to a wet mess in his bed. _Why didn’t she warn me that puppies need diapers like babies?_ Kurt rolls himself off the bed to find some towels and fresh sheets.

“Blaine, honey. Wake up!” Kurt attempts to get Blaine to get off the bed so he can change over the sheets. “The puppy wet the bed. C’mon honey. Wake _up_!”

“Ughhhh. Whassss goin onnn?”

“Blaine, get up. Just for a minute,” Kurt pleads. “I have to change the sheets. Puppy made a mess. C’mon.”

Blaine manages to roll off the bed onto the floor, where he promptly falls back to sleep. Kurt rolls his eyes and changes the bedding as quickly as he could. He manages to maneuver Blaine back onto the bed without waking him up too much, noticing how hot his skin was to the touch at the same time. _Crap. Do we have any medicine in the apartment? Shit._

Kurt throws the laundry into the hamper, grabs the puppy and shuts it into the bathroom, after putting the rugs over the shower curtain bar, _At least that way if you pee again, it will be on the tile and not in my bed. Ewww._

By that time, he is thoroughly awake and isn’t about to go to sleep anytime soon. He figures he might as well grade a few essays until he gets tired again. Most of the preliminary essays are average at best. He’s become very adept at noticing which students are writing what they think he wants to hear – _The LGBT community was well represented at last night’s movie premiere –_ or what they think would be well-received – _Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie’s controversial appearance at the awards ceremony blah blah blah –_ instead of actually critiquing something with their own opinion and flair.

There is one student however, Caroline Greyson, whose work all semester has shown excellent promise. Tonight’s essay was no exception – _“This is my favorite film of the year so far. It entertained me and left me with a feeling of satisfaction that’s all too rare, especially at this time of year”_. Of all his students in the sophomore class this year, she has demonstrated the highest aptitude for the work of criticism, for writing in general, and for communicating with the masses without pandering or talking down to them.  Kurt thinks that she could be the most successful and sought after graduate of their program if she continues down the track she is on.

By the time he reads through and writes his own comments and critiques on less than half of the papers, his brain is exhausted and it’s time to go back to bed. Less than an hour after he falls asleep, he is woken up by whining and crying and scratching from the bathroom. The puppy needs to go out. So Kurt hauls himself up, puts on his boots and overcoat, and picks up the little guy to take him downstairs. When Kurt goes to set him down, he realizes he doesn’t have a leash. He panics for a moment, hoping the dog won’t take off running, but he has nothing to fear. The poor animal is so tired, he lays down before he’s even finished and falls asleep on the frozen ground. Kurt sighs, bends down and picks up the little guy, saying “I think we’re going to have to name you ‘ _Little Monster’_ there, guy.” The dog wakes up as Kurt picks him up, and finishes doing his business all over Kurt’s pajama pants. “Son of a --,” Kurt grumbles, on his way to yet another change of clothes.

By the time Kurt gets the dog back in the bathroom, his pajamas in the hamper, and pulls on his third set of pajama pants for the night, Blaine wakes up for the day and Kurt needs to take care of him. He needs Tylenol to reduce his fever, chicken broth and tea to help his throat, and tons of Kleenex to blow his nose over and over.

“I’m so sorry, babe. I am ruining your Thanksgiving. It’s supposed to be a relaxing day off for you and here you are, waiting on your lump of a husband.”

“Aww, I said in sickness and in health, didn’t I? Now I have to go take the dog downstairs to try and pee _again_.”

“Don’t forget to bring a baggie, just in case.”

“Oh crap. I almost forgot. Thanks for reminding me.” Blaine chuckles and Kurt rolls his eyes. “That is _not_ what I meant.”

Sure enough, as soon as they make it out to the sidewalk Kurt is reaching for the bag.  He manages to clear up the mess with some pride in his adaptability and he grins all the way back up to the apartment, with a detour via the trash chute.  Kurt gets no time to brag, however, because as soon as they walk in the apartment the puppy bounds down the hallway to the bedroom to snuggle up with Blaine.

When Kurt peeks his head through the bedroom door, Blaine coos, “Awww, isn’t he the cutest? What should we name him?”

Kurt sighs. “Please don’t get too attached. We’re not going to keep this dog.”

“Awww, come on. He is the cutest thing ever, and so cuddly.”

“Just wait until you’re healthy and I make _you_ get up all night long. You won’t be so excited about it then.”

“Well, I’m awake now. Why don’t you lay down and take a nap. I’ll take care of playing with him and keeping him out of your hair while you sleep.”

“That sounds great, hon. Thanks.”

Kurt is barely aware of Blaine and the puppy leaving the room. He vaguely hears the television for a second, but he’s out cold in less than minute.

He wakes up to silence.  Venturing out of the bedroom he has to bite down on his lip to prevent himself from laughing.  He is used to seeing Blaine asleep on the couch with his leg half draped over the arm and the way his arm curls above his head. However, there is no puppy curled up with him. Looking around the room it doesn't take long to find the small bundle of fur.  He'd missed it on his first glance; the gold of the puppy's fur was only a shade lighter than the lining on his limited edition boots, but there is something so adorably cute about the tiny creature almost stuffed in the left boot that Kurt almost wants to get his camera.

Instead he returns to his essays.  It isn’t long before he hears a tiny growl.  Someone woke up and it sure wasn’t Blaine.

“Oh _shit.”_ The puppy seems to have decided that while the boot was its bed, Kurt’s favorite Kenneth Cole loafers are its new chew toy. “God damn it. Let go of that, you little shit.”

“-Kurt?” Blaine’s voice pipes up from the couch. “Kurt? What’s going on?”

“The damn puppy just tried to chew a hole in my favorite shoes. Damn it all.”

“Oops. Maybe we need to do a little research to figure out what we’re doing. Can you grab me my laptop?” Blaine asks.

After a little bit of digging on the internet, Kurt and Blaine realize they have a lot of puppy-proofing to do around the apartment if the little guy is going to survive the weekend. Kurt actually gets down on his hands and knees and looks at everything in the living room from a “puppy’s eye view”.  He finds electrical cords to chew on, remote controls to play with, and books to rip apart.  He closes the puppy into the bathroom again and sets out to rearrange the lamps to better position the cords, puts a bowl on a shelf to store the remotes in, and maneuvers all the books from the bottom two shelves to higher up the wall.  

Then, Kurt attacks the front hallway, grimacing as he picks up his loafers, which are beyond repair. As much as it pains him to toss clean shoes into the vortex of the floor of the coat closet, there really is no other choice for the rest of their footwear at this point. At least they’ll be behind a closed door that way. Next comes the kitchen. There is nothing in the kitchen that isn’t closed in a cupboard or a drawer. He’s pretty sure puppies can’t get cupboard doors open, at least not little guys like this one. He hopes not, anyway.

With the main areas of the house as puppy-proofed as possible, Kurt checks on Blaine one more time. He is napping again, still on the couch. Kurt puts his hand on Blaine’s too-warm forehead and realizes that he is going to have to venture into the bathroom to get the Tylenol.  He hesitates outside the door for a moment, listening to see if he can work out where the puppy might be and what he might be doing.  Not that the puppy could get into much trouble in there, surely?  He doesn't want to risk any more of his designer clothing, but his husband is sick so…

As soon as he opens the door he realizes what trouble the puppy could get into.

Sitting in the middle of the (thankfully still dry and clean) tiled floor is a mummified puppy.  Around him are lines and lines of shredded toilet paper.

The puppy looks so proud of himself.  Kurt just groans.

“Alright, little guy. You go lay with Blaine and make him feel better. I’ll clean up this royal mess.” Kurt picks him up, cleans off the toilet paper bits, and carries him to the couch, setting him gently down on Blaine’s stomach. Kurt heads back to the bathroom, sighs, and gets to work sweeping up the mess.

Once again, Kurt plans ahead by taking the puppy outside to pee around eleven o’clock, but this time, he does one better by setting his alarm clock to wake up at two in the morning to hopefully beat him to the pass and get him outside before he has another accident. Also, for his second night, Kurt doesn’t allow the puppy up on their bed, instead, he makes a nest of towels and blankets on the bedroom floor for the puppy to sleep in.

The two AM bathroom break goes well, so Kurt resets his alarm for three more hours of sleep. He will miss the earliest of the early bird sales this way, but he is so tired after two nights without consistent sleep that he really doesn’t care. After taking the puppy out at five, he sets Blaine’s alarm for eight, slips into his power shopping ensemble, and heads out to meet up with Rachel, his best friend since high school and former roommate.

  


Four hours into the shopping marathon, Kurt needs a break. He convinces Rachel to head into Starbucks so he can get off his feet and refuel before heading back into the fray. Just the aroma of the coffee revives his spirit, but Rachel can still tell there is something off.

“Why are you so tired today?”

“Well, between Blaine being sick and the dog needing to go to the bathroom all night long I haven’t slept much the last two nights.”

“The dog? You got a dog?!” Rachel exclaims loudly. “I can’t believe it! What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I didn’t want the poor thing to die alone in the cold. I found it in a box on campus with its dead siblings. What else would I have been thinking? Besides, we are _not_ keeping the damn thing. We’re taking it to the pound on Monday. It’s a royal pain in the ass.”

Rachel giggles. “Yeah, right. Like Blaine is going to let you take it to the pound after four days with it?”

“He already agreed to take it himself, thank you very much.”

“Seriously, Kurt? You are aware that the New York City pound is a kill shelter, right? If he doesn’t get adopted, he’s gonna die anyway. You can’t take him somewhere to die after you just saved his life.”

“God, Rachel. Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I’m a member of the ASPCA. We have a shelter. You could try there if you really want to get rid of it.”

“Thanks for the idea. We’ll check it out. Now, where to next?”

  


While Kurt is shopping, Blaine is trying to deal with the puppy. He takes it out for a potty break when he wakes up, comes upstairs to give it some fresh food and water, and then takes to the internet for more research. He discovers that they have been doing everything wrong from the beginning. Other than bringing in the animal from the cold, there really hasn’t been anything they’d done right.

They should have had a kennel for him with chew toys available, a collar and a leash, at least one walk a day, baby locks on cabinets and the toilet . . . at this point they’re lucky they haven’t killed the poor little guy. Blaine sends Kurt a text and asks him to stop at a pet store to pick up some of the essentials while he and Rachel are out. Then he looks to see if there is a vet clinic anywhere in the neighborhood. He finds the ASPCA is open the day after Thanksgiving, calls them up and gets the go ahead to come down right away. He picks up the puppy and heads out, making sure to tuck the dog into his coat safely to keep him warm in the frigid air.

Kurt returns to an empty apartment with no clue where his husband or the puppy might be.  He grabs his phone and unlocks the screen, immediately seeing the message from Blaine.

“Shit!” Kurt quickly pulls up Google and searches for a pet store near their apartment. When he finds one a few blocks over, he texts Blaine, _Where the hell did you go? You were still sick when I left this morning. I just got your message and I’m on my way to Petland over on 9_ _th_ _._

Blaine responds almost immediately. **_Just finished at the vet. I’ll meet you there in half an hour._**

Kurt raises an eyebrow. Something must have gone wrong for Blaine to get out of his sick bed and take the puppy to the vet. _Should I be worried? What happened?_

**_Nothing big. I just did some more research and figured out we didn’t know what we were doing._ **

_I could have told you that!_

**_Ha! Anyway, I called the ASPCA and they had a vet in today. I brought him over and had him checked out to make sure he’s healthy, and he is._ **

_How are **you** feeling today?_

**_I think the fever is gone, but I am still really tired. I called out sick again. Good thing I haven’t missed a show, yet. Lots of sick time saved up._ **

_Your understudy must be happy, called in to work over Thanksgiving weekend._

**_Haha. I’ll talk to you when we get there. Texting and carrying a dog on the subway isn’t easy._ **

_Love you. See you soon._

As soon as Kurt walks into the store he realizes he is going to need help. He has no idea what “essential puppy supplies” even are. He finds the nearest employee, who refers him to the puppy specialist on duty. By the time Blaine arrives with the dog, Kurt is trying to balance a kennel stuffed with chew toys, odor remover, a puppy bed, a collar and leash, and a bag of treats.

“Oh my goodness, Kurt! Let me help you with some of that.” Blaine dashes over to Kurt, puppy still tucked into his jacket, and tries to grab some of the items that are starting to fall out of the kennel. “This is a lot of stuff. Are you sure we need it all?”

“According to the guy I just talked to, this is the bare minimum,” replies Kurt. “If we were planning to keep him longer than the weekend, there’d be more.”

“Oh, yeah. About that. Um, I kind of think we should talk.” Blaine looks around the store, everywhere except at Kurt.

“Blaine, honey,” starts Kurt, “we’ve discussed this. We do not have the time or the room for a dog.”

“Well, I think we’ve proven the time thing wrong, at least, these past two days.”

“That’s because I’m on Thanksgiving vacation and you’re off work sick! This isn’t a normal time, is it?”

Blaine sighs. “True, but think about it. You are home almost every day by five. I don’t have to be at the theater until six on Tuesdays, seven most days unless there is a matinee. At the most, there might be half an hour of time where he doesn’t have one of us at home.”

“What about the space, then?” Kurt asks. “Puppies are supposed to have a designated space in the house that is theirs. I can already tell you, the bathroom doesn’t work. We don’t have any other small rooms where he could go.”

“I was reading about that. They have this gate system we could get to block off a corner of the living room. We don’t have carpet in there, so it shouldn’t get too gross until we get him trained.” Blaine’s eyes are pleading even more than his words.

“You really want this, don’t you?” sighed Kurt. “I already seem to have one puppy dog in the family; I guess it can’t hurt to add another one permanently.”

Blaine’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.  “Really?”

“I don’t think I could ever say no to your puppy dog eyes, Blaine,” Kurt replies, sardonically.

“Really, really?”

“Would you like me to change my mind?”

“No! No! Thank you so much, oh my God! We have a dog! We are dog people!” Blaine is practically vibrating with excitement. “Is there anything else we should get, then?”

“Oh my God, yes, but let’s get a cart, please?”

They end up buying what feels like the entire store, so they stuff it into a cab and head home.  Blaine takes to his role as a dog person immediately, grabbing one of the toys and engaging in tug-o-wars, chases and other silly little games.  Kurt, however, slips effortlessly into the responsible role, setting up the kennel and exercise area, covering the floor with puppy pads, and making sure there is nothing the dog could hurt himself on anywhere near where he will be confined.

“Little dog, your castle awaits,” announces Kurt.

“We really need to come up with a better name than ‘little dog’ or ‘puppy’.”

“That’s true,” replies Kurt. “Do you have one in mind?”

“Not really,” says Blaine, thinking aloud. “What about ‘Prince’ or ‘Duke’? You like royalty so much, we should give him a royal name.”

Kurt chuckles. “Well, I have been calling him a royal pain in the ass,” he replies.

Blaine bursts out laughing. “Well, maybe we should just call him Royal, then.”

“Royal Anderson-Hummel. I like it.”

“Me too. Royal it is.”

 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**April 2021**

Once Kurt and Blaine have researched how to train Royal, there are far fewer mishaps in potty-training and chewing things. He’s not a perfect dog, by any stretch, but he is theirs and they love him. They realize, though, several months into dog ownership, that their cute, tiny puppy has grown into a very tall, very large adolescent that needs far more space than the corner of their living room can provide. Their apartment was fine when Royal was a ten or fifteen pound puppy, but now he has grown to 50 pounds, life is much more challenging.

Kurt brings up the issue just before Spring Break. “Blaine, honey, we have a problem.”

Blaine looks up from the script he is reading. “What?”

“We have a big problem.”

“I heard that. You’re making me nervous. What do you mean?”

“Royal has really outgrown this apartment. He needs more space to run, don’t you think?” asks Kurt.

Blaine ponders Kurt’s words for a moment. “I suppose that’s true, but what do you want to do about it?”

“I was thinking maybe we should think about buying a house.”

“What? You really want the responsibility of a house?”

“Don’t you think we’re ready for it? We’ve been married 6 years this month, we own a dog, and we’ve talked about kids someday. I’ll be 27 in two months, you’ll be 26. It’s time.”

“Wow. I need some time to wrap my head around this one, okay?” asks Blaine.

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

Blaine puts on his running shoes, grabs Royal’s leash and heads out for a run.

It doesn’t take long for Blaine to come back. “I’m in. Let’s buy a house.”

“You’re sure you’re sure?”

Blaine leans over and plants a sweaty kiss on Kurt’s lips. “I’m sure.”

  


Blaine and Kurt spend the days during spring break looking at real estate websites. Wednesday, Blaine has a matinee. After his performance, he joins Kurt, who is spending the afternoon and evening with a realtor, looking at homes in their budget within a one hour commute of NYU. Kurt is the one who'll have to deal with peak traffic each way.  Blaine, on the other hand, would be going against the commuter traffic so he's happy to concede to Kurt on this one.

 

It seems impossible to find a home in a decent neighborhood with a dog-sized yard, a little bit of grass for the Ohioans in them, and at least three bedrooms. They really want the convenience of a home office and a guest room for Ohio visitors.

They haven't needed a car since they left Ohio.  New York's public transport system has always gotten them everywhere they have needed to be, and cab rides have filled in any gaps or laziness on their parts.  When they'd rented their apartment, they’d worried more about the neighborhood and its proximity to work. Transit wasn’t their first priority, since most everywhere on the island is just a few blocks from a subway station. Once they realize they'll need to leave the city, transport becomes a bigger issue.

After listening to their concerns, the realtor suggests looking outside the city and shows them some houses in the village of Piermont. They ride out to the village in the realtor’s car, visiting several homes along the way, not finding anything they both could live with. The realtor said steadfastly, “We have several more houses we can look at today, gentlemen. The next one is a two bedroom, two bath Cape Cod style home that backs up to a creek.”

Blaine notices the idyllic back yard as they drive up to the house. “Oh my God, Kurt, I’d have killed for a sledding hill like that when I was a kid! And look at the grass! That’s plenty of space for Royal to run around and play when you don’t want to walk him after work.”  

They drive past the house and turn into the narrow driveway as the realtor smiles over at Blaine, nodding, and asks, “Shall we go in, then?”

There is a weathered front porch facing the street. Kurt looks out over the tiny patch of grass separating it from the quiet road as the realtor opens the lock box and unlocks the door. Kurt tries not to wrinkle his nose when he realizes that the previous owners had painted over wallpaper all throughout the main floor. “Oh my Lord, Blaine. How could they not know that’s tacky? It will take forever to undo that mess.”

The realtor consults her notes. “The main floor has an eat-in kitchen as well as a formal dining room.”

Blaine exclaims, “Kurt! Look! We could put an upright piano in this living room with plenty of room to sit.”

Kurt smiles, watching Blaine acting like their excited puppy when Kurt walks in at the end of the day. “Let’s look at the upstairs.”

There is a small room on the second floor between the two bedrooms that will work beautifully as an office for them, even if it can’t be legally counted as a bedroom because it doesn’t have a closet or a large window.  Kurt remarks, “These bedrooms are pretty good-sized, considering some of the shoeboxes we’ve seen today.”

Blaine snorts. “These are more like boot boxes. My closet in Ohio growing up was bigger than that second bedroom is.”

“There’s nothing that says we can’t use it as a closet now, is there?”

“I think your dad might have something to say about that when he comes to visit. I doubt he wants to sleep in a closet.” They both laugh and head back down the stairs after the realtor.

“Well, sirs, there is a galley-style kitchen that leads out to the deck. Would you like to see it?”

“Absolutely. How else can I get my Sunday breakfast in bed without a decent kitchen?” replies Kurt with a smile.

The kitchen is recently remodeled and they fall in love with the modern appliances and gorgeous granite counters. “Look, Blaine. They took the wallpaper out before they painted in here!”

The door at the end of the kitchen opens out onto the deck. The creek that flows by is calm and there are gorgeous old trees that almost give the home a feeling of being in the woods, except they can walk to the bus stop and ride right into the Port Authority in the city. Blaine catches Kurt’s eye and they know immediately. “This is it. We don’t need to see any more houses. Where’s the paperwork?”

Kurt will be just about an hour away from work, which, although longer of a commute than he’s had, is actually quite reasonable for New York. Royal will be home alone for longer in the afternoons, since their overlapping commutes on some days will make for more of a challenging schedule, but as he’s gotten older, he’s become better able to control himself. If need be and the weather is good enough Blaine can stake him in the yard until Kurt gets home.  Knowing Royal, he'll love being able to run round and round and round in circles all afternoon.  They don't have to worry about him disturbing the neighbors either; one of their main concerns about keeping a dog in their apartment had been the noise, but like many Goldens, Royal is only ever vocal when provoked, like the time when the kid two floors up had tried to hit Royal with a stick, or when the ex-boyfriend of the girl across the hallway had shown up drunk and yelling one night.

The papers are signed. Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel are not only dog owners, they are going to be home owners as well. The closing date is set for six weeks later. As soon as school lets out for Kurt, they are packed and moving. Blaine takes three days of his accrued leave from _Annie_ to help and for the most part, they are moved in before he has to go back to work on Tuesday.

  


**June 2021**

Of course there is no way that Kurt and Blaine could move into a new place and let the perfect opportunity to show off go to waste.  Sunday evening turns out to be the best time for both of them; Blaine is free between the Sunday matinee and the Tuesday evening performance. Kurt has summer classes on the Monday but the weekends are his.  While Blaine is singing _Easy Street_ Kurt will be setting up, and while Kurt is teaching the dedicated summer students, Blaine will be cleaning up.

They have invited everyone they can think of: friends from NYADA, NYU, _Annie_ , and even some neighbors, both old and new. The house is full by the time Blaine gets home on Sunday. Royal is running laps around a stake in the backyard. Kurt has two large tables set up in the dining room laden with fresh fruit and cut vegetables; three different pasta salads; two different Mexican layered dips, one with guacamole and one with beans; several different types of chips; multiple baskets of various breads and buns; and a large tray of fresh cut meat, both turkey and roast beef.

Blaine greets several of their friends on his way to the kitchen and through to the back door leading out to their enclosed deck. He finds his way to the stairs down to the yard, where he stops to bend down and give Royal a rubdown while he scans the crowd for his husband.  He finds Kurt sitting in the porch swing that had come with the house.  When they'd moved in the first thing they'd done was move it down near the creek for the view.  At first they'd wondered why the previous owners hadn't done that, but after huffing and puffing and swearing and tripping over Royal several times they realized that it wasn't an easy thing to move. They did it anyway.

Across from Kurt, lounging on some wrought-iron lawn furniture they’d picked up at Target before they returned the rented moving van, sits Rachel and her husband, Aaron, with Adam and Larry. The five of them are talking and laughing as Kurt regales them with tales from Royal’s puppy days in the apartment: the long sleepless nights, the messes everywhere, and stepping on his chew toys on the way to the bathroom before being fully awake.

“Seriously, Kurt, it sounds like you’re describing a baby, not a dog,” jokes Adam. “Are you sure you didn’t adopt a human by accident?”

Rachel guffawed. “I don’t know which would be worse for you. Picking up dog poop off the floor or having to change a dirty diaper.”

“What do you mean?” asks Kurt in mock offense. “I could totally change a diaper.”

That sends all four of the guests into gales of laughter again.

“What?” asks Kurt, more seriously this time, “You don’t think I could?”

“When have you ever spent any time around babies or children, Kurt? Do you even want to have kids?” asks Larry.

Aaron chimes in as well. “It’s not as if you and Blaine have ever shown any interest in having children.”

Kurt tries to interject, “We have t--”,

Aaron continues right over him, “Although, with the set up you’ve got here, it’s just about the perfect place to raise a family.”

“And considering all you survived with Royal,” chimes in Rachel, “You might as well have a kid, don’t you think?”

Blaine interrupts the conversation at that moment, sing-songing “Hi, honey, I’m home!”

“Blaine!” Kurt exclaims. “How was your day?”

“Lovely as usual. _Easy Street_ went off without a hitch.”

“Of course it did,” says Rachel. “We wouldn’t expect any less of you!”

Blaine leans over to give her a hug and asks her, “So what’s your next project going to be?”

“Me? I’m in workshops right now for a Barbra Streisand bio-musical.”

“Really? You’re perfect for that! Oh my God!”

Rachel tries her hardest to look demure, but her excitement eventually wins out. She squeals her delight. “I know, aren’t I? I think I’ve been waiting for this opportunity my whole life!”

Blaine and Kurt eventually excuse themselves from their conversation and make the rounds to the rest of their guests, laughing and discussing their neighborhood with the million-dollar homes, talking about the steal they got on theirs due to it having only 2 “real” bedrooms, the siding that needs replacing, and the crappy paint job on the inside. They can’t stop gushing about their cute little village and its amazing, quirky downtown area that the _New York Times_ wrote about for its European feel.

Kurt is effusive as he tells a colleague from NYU, “They even celebrate Bastille Day next month; can you believe it? We have to cross the river to see fireworks on the Fourth, but we can walk down the street to celebrate France’s independence on the fourteenth! We can walk Royal the three blocks down there, tie him to the table leg at the sidewalk café, and enjoy café au lait and croissants au chocolat like we’re in France.”

Blaine raves about the outdoor movies, concerts and community gatherings the village puts together. “It is a small town in the middle of the suburbs, guys. Seriously. But did I tell you? We even have a jazz club! I’m thinking of seeing if I can get in on one their open mic nights. Every so often they put it on Monday.”

Ultimately, all good things come to an end, so the majority of the guests trickle out and back to their homes. In the end, Rachel, Aaron, Adam and Larry are the only guests left. They help Kurt and Blaine pick up the yard and empty the trash barrels before sitting down in the living room for a nightcap.

Kurt and Blaine are snuggled into each other on the love seat when Blaine picks up on their previous conversation. “So, you guys were harassing Kurt about not being paternal, huh?”

Adam looks abashed. “We didn’t mean to be insulting, really. It’s just kind of funny that you guys have never mentioned wanting a family yet you’re the first ones to settle down in the suburbs with a dog.”

“We actually talked about it together a lot when we were kids. At one point, we’d decided on a surrogate and Quinn Fabray was going to donate the eggs.” Blaine chuckles. He continues, musing, “I wouldn’t mind being a dad, someday. I certainly could be more involved in my kid’s life than my parents ever were in mine with the hours I have. In fact, we probably wouldn’t even need childcare except for Wednesday matinees, now that I think about it.”

Kurt yawns. “That may be true, but maybe we really wouldn’t be good with a child, really.”

Rachel’s jaw drops and her eyebrows fly up her forehead. “What? Kurt, of course you’d be good with a child. You are one of the most caring people I know. You know we were just kidding before, right?”

“Thanks Rach, but I don’t know any more if I’m really cut out for fatherhood.” Kurt’s scowl puts an end to that conversation, but Blaine looks at him with concern, taking note of a conversation they obviously need to have.

  


Once they are alone, they can barely drag themselves up the stairs to the master bedroom.  They nestle under the sheets, kicking off the blankets. Blaine approaches the subject of fatherhood with Kurt again. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Do you really _never_ want to be a dad?”

“Wow. Um . . .” Kurt stops for a moment and closes his eyes. In his head he comes up with half sentences and ideas and reasons that he doesn’t verbalize because they're not quite right, don't quite explain it properly.  It has to be right.

“I guess, to be honest, I always thought about it as something for the future, never for the here and now. My gut reaction at the moment is that I probably can’t do it.”

“Can’t?”

“Yeah, can’t. I’m selfish, rigid, snarky, hot-tempered, and sarcastic. None of those are real conducive to a child’s self-esteem.”

“But Kurt, you are also caring, giving, open-minded, supportive and loyal. Not to mention forgiving and trusting. Without those we wouldn’t even be an “us” anymore. I can’t think of better characteristics for a father to have. Beyond all that, you love and give with your whole heart, no holding back.”

“It sounds like you really want this.” Kurt searches Blaine’s face for any hint of longing or upset, but he sees none.

“Honestly? I haven’t thought about it much, either, lately, but I’d like it to still be an option, someday.”

“Someday? I can live with that, I guess.”

  


**July 2021**

Kurt quickly decides that the very best part of their move to Piermont is the long, paved path out to the pier on the Hudson. Just a quick jog around the corner and across the creek is a gorgeous haven for birds, animals, and aquatic creatures.  The grasses and natural landscaping create a barrier to the rest of the world such that Kurt can imagine himself alone in the world, just a man and his dog. It gives him space to ponder the problems of the universe, the lessons he has to teach in the upcoming summer session, or the life that he and Blaine have made for themselves against all odds. There is something incredibly calming about walking down a path paved through six-foot tall reeds and marshland. The smell of the Hudson wafting in, occasionally saying hello to others walking along the pier, there is something special, almost magical, about this place in time.

The pier is at its best at sunset, despite the fact it faces east. As the fading sun colors the sky, the river reflects the pinks, oranges and grays up at Kurt as he skips rocks across the water or tosses Royal’s favorite ball across the parking lot at the end of Ferry Road. No one seems to mind if he lets the dog off his leash to play despite the signs telling him not to.

One such evening, while Blaine is busy belting out _Easy Street_ and getting arrested for trying to kidnap an orphan on stage, Kurt decides to put Royal on his leash and meander out to the end of the pier in time to watch the last vestiges of daylight slip away. He wants to contemplate more about the almost-promise he gave Blaine. He doesn’t come to any solid conclusions on the way out, but he at least feels like he’s doing something about his fear and wondering rather than just sitting at home letting it get the better of him. As he is pondering the idea of a family of his own, to his surprise, there is a family already out at the end skipping rocks ahead of him, two moms and their son. Kurt steps to the other side of the pier but keeps Royal on his leash for a while to make sure he won’t scare the boy.

Eventually, the kid walks over to Kurt and introduces himself, “Hi, I’m Johnny! What’s your dog’s name?” He starts asking Kurt hundreds of questions about goldens. When Johnny finds out how much Royal likes to play fetch, he practically begs Kurt to let Royal off the leash so he can toss the ball around.

Kurt disconnects Royal’s leash from his collar and hands Johnny the green rubber ball Royal loves to chase. While he watches the boy run around chasing after the dog and the ball, the moms walk hand-in-hand over to him, smiling.

“You’re never going to get rid of him, now. He loves dogs.”

“Oh, that’s okay. Royal is happy to make a new friend. Especially one with that much energy.”

“Oh, Johnny’s got energy aplenty. That’s for sure.”

“How old is he?”

“Nine. How about the dog?”

“Still mostly a puppy. He’ll be a year in October.”

At that moment, Johnny comes running over. “Mama! Mommy! Did you see me playing with the dog? Isn’t he awesome?”

Kurt smiles, first at Johnny, then at his moms. “I think Royal thinks you’re pretty awesome, Johnny. Take a look!”

Royal is jumping around behind Johnny, his tail wagging so hard it looks like he’s trying to wag it off, his mouth stretched wide in a doggy-version of a smile.

“Can I play some more, Mama?”

The two women look at each other with goofy grins. “Of course. Go have fun.” They look back at Kurt in unison and the one in the red tank top sticks her hand out. “Hi, I’m Gloria.”

“Kurt. Kurt Hummel.”

“Nice to meet you Kurt. This is my wife, Bridget, and you’ve already met our son.”

“He seems like a great kid.”

Bridget snorts. “Hah. He is a great kid, but all kids have their moments.”

Gloria laughs a bit. “Yeah. He can be a spitfire that’s for sure. Gets it from his Mama.”

“Hey now. That’s not fair. Half his DNA is yours. The other half isn’t even mine! That has to count for something, right?”

Kurt breathes in sharply through his nose, eyebrows raising.  Bridget looks at him curiously. “Is everything alright?”

Kurt is completely overwhelmed by seeing the family he’d been pondering right in front of him.  “Oh, um, yeah. I just-- my husband and I, our friends have been teasing us about being domesticated, you know? House in the suburbs, dog.” Kurt hates that he feels so tight. He normally doesn’t have trouble stringing sentences together cohesively, but right now, he just wants to jump out of his skin.

Bridget hums in understanding and reaches out to pat Kurt’s shoulder gently. “Kids are great, but don’t let anyone push you into it. We chose to have Johnny when it was right for us.”

Gloria adds, “Johnny is the best thing we ever did, but he sure does complicate life. Our time isn’t ours anymore.”

Kurt nods. “What’s it like, raising a kid here?”

Bridget smiles. “It’s pretty great, actually. The public schools are pretty incredible. They’ve won all kinds of awards. We’re really happy raising Johnny out here.”

Gloria adds, “The community is really accepting, as well. It’s mostly artists and musician types. No one bats an eye that we’re a non-traditional family here. We’re just a family.”

Bridget quirks an eyebrow at Kurt. “Did we answer your question? Was that what you needed?”

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” replies Kurt.

“What do you do for a living, Kurt?”

“I’m an adjunct at NYU and I freelance for _The Cut_. My husband is an actor. He’s currently doing a run as Rooster in _Annie_.”

“Sounds busy.”

“A little, I guess. It’s normal for us now. How about you two?”

Gloria responds, “I’m a writer, too. I work from home. Bridget works in the city. She’s a social worker.”

“We love not having to pay for childcare. That’s wicked expensive. If you guys decide to have a kid, you might want to think about that.”

“You’ve given me some things to think about, for sure.”

Walking home with Royal jumping and leaping and running ahead on his extendable leash, Kurt starts dreaming of little girls with black curls and little boys with hazel eyes. Falling in love with a child seems like the easiest thing in the world all of a sudden.

  


**August, 2021**

Burt arrives in early August for his annual end-of-summer visit before the fall semester starts up again. Summer school is over, so Kurt always enjoys spending a full ten days with his father. Burt still owns the tire shop in Ohio, but he leaves it in the care of his more than capable employees once a year while he visits Kurt and Blaine in New York.  This year is particularly exciting for Kurt, because he wants to show off their new house to his dad.

His father takes one look at the paint with wallpaper peeking through in the main entry and living room and decides this will be a working vacation. He and Kurt walk into town to the local hardware store Sunday morning and look for everything they will need to take down the wallpaper. Burt regales Kurt with tales of wallpaper disasters in his and Kurt’s mom’s first house in Lima, and Kurt makes the decision immediately to buy everything to repair plaster at the same time. It doesn’t take long for Burt to call him a genius, as the wall behind the paper begins falling apart as soon as the first strip of paper comes down.

They get the majority of the paper off on Monday, the plaster patches up on Tuesday, and they begin the sanding process on the morning of the third day. Kurt and Burt make a wonderful team, chatting and laughing, reminiscing with more stories of Burt and Elizabeth’s first house, Kurt’s childhood, and high school days. When he is home, Blaine helps by keeping Royal occupied outside, making snacks and sandwiches, and generally staying out of the way, but Wednesday is matinee day, so he has to go into the city earlier. Kurt doesn’t think about staking Royal in the yard, so when the dog bursts into the room and slips as he runs across the dusty floor, landing on his side, rolling over to his other side before standing up and ending up looking like a ghost, Kurt can’t do anything but groan. Burt, however, laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen. Kurt makes a quick grab for Royal’s collar and drags him out the front door, around the house, and over to the backyard stake.

“I’ll be back to deal with you later, mister,” he growls, and stomps back towards the house to continue working on the walls.

Kurt is more somber after he calms down, pondering what just happened.  Burt lets him stew for a while before asking, “What’s up, bud? Want to talk about it?”

Kurt sighs, and stops smoothing the wall to look over at his dad. “Do you think I have what it takes to be as good a dad as you were?”

Burt raises his eyebrows as his eyes widen. “What brought this on, son?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about it lately. It started a couple of months ago, after we moved out here. Adam and Rachel were teasing us about Royal, and how we might as well have had a human baby instead of a puppy with all the midnight antics.”

“Well, they weren’t far off, were they?” Burt chuckles.  “I’ve heard that about puppies from other folks, too. They need a lot of care.”

“True, but they were kind of insinuating that we – no-- that _I_ wouldn’t do too great with kids. They said they were just teasing, but . . .” He trails off, not really sure how to continue.

“Do you think there is any truth to what they said?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. Blaine thinks I’d do okay, but I really don’t have a clue if I could be a good dad. You were so patient with me, joining in my tea parties, letting me destroy the kitchen then cleaning up after me. I am not a patient man.”

“I didn’t used to be either, you know.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Seriously? You think when I was a kid like you I took things as they came? Hell no!”

“Dad, by the time you were twenty-seven you were married with a kid and a mortgage.”

“Yup, and you are married with a dog and a mortgage. So?”

“Huh.” Kurt’s eyes go wide. “So you really weren’t patient?”

“God no. Selfish as they come, too. I made your mother get up all night with you. I couldn’t feed you anyway, so why bother to get up, right?”

“Seriously? When did that change?”

“Ha! It didn’t take your mother more than a month to ream me up one side and down the other. I’m not sure it even took her two weeks, to be honest. It’s all kind of a blur.”

Kurt bursts out laughing. “So, the secret is to marry a strong woman, then?”

Burt huffs. “That won’t really help you much then, will it?”, then guffaws loudly.

Kurt wrinkles his nose at his dad then turns back to the wall, smoothing his hands over the rough surface, his eyebrows furrowed as he contemplates his next words carefully. “I’m really afraid that if we decide to adopt no one will want us to parent their child.” He pauses, takes a deep breath, and starts to pick up steam as the words just tumble out of his mouth. “It’s not just that we’re two gay men. I have no experience with kids whatsoever. I was an only child. I work with adults. I am the least patient person on the planet, and I wage war with my words, both written and spoken. I might not even have a soul, Dad! What if we get our hopes up only to find out that we can’t adopt because I’m all wrong and Blaine gets upset and decides that maybe we really shouldn’t be together forever and he wants to find someone else to raise kids with who’ll actually be _good_ with kids?” At that moment, he stops, a panicked look on his face as he realizes what just poured out of his mouth and tears well up in his eyes. “Oh God, I can’t do this. I just can’t.”

Burt sets his own sand block down before grabbing Kurt’s and setting it aside as well, then engulfs his son in his extra-special, patented, enormous bear hug. “Hey, hey, hey. Where is all that from?”

“I’m just so scared, dad. We’re living a dream life here. What if . . . what if? I don’t even know what to worry about, there’s so much.” Kurt’s voice is thick as he tries to hold back the emotions threatening to overwhelm him again.

“Look kid, there are no guarantees in this world. Your mom and I were perfect examples of that. We had it all: the shop, the house, the kid, the dream.   Then she died and I thought it all went to hell. I didn’t think I could do it on my own. I knew nothing about raising kids, and you were not an easy kid to raise, you know.”

Kurt chuckles through his tears.

Burt continues, “You know what, though? We made it, didn’t we, you and I? You didn’t turn out so bad after all.”

Kurt looks at his dad with a wet smile.

“I know I’m a little biased, bud, but I think you’re pretty amazing. You are so smart. You musta got that from your mother.”

Kurt chuckles again.

“You are the kindest soul imaginable. Look at all that stuff you did for Sam when he needed help back in high school. You campaigned for me non-stop when it would have been a hell of a lot easier on you to stay home. You volunteered at that shelter in the city when you were in school full time.  You even adopted a dog to keep it from dying when you thought you hated animals.  That doesn’t sound soulless to me. You have so much love in your heart, Kurt. You always have. Don’t let fear stop you from sharing it with someone else, if that’s what you think you really want.”

“But do you think I can really do it, Dad? Raise a kid without scarring it for life?” Kurt sounds hopeful for the first time all afternoon.

“Kid, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything. I’ve seen you survive losing your mom, being bullied at that cesspool of a school, change dreams when yours didn’t pan out like you planned . . . not just survive, either. You thrived, Kurt. If you and Blaine decide to adopt a baby, you will be the best damn dads this world has ever seen.”

They pick up their tools and go back to work on the wall in companionable silence, Kurt ruminating on everything he had heard.

  


Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Kurt rolls over and strokes the side of Blaine’s face, silently begging him to ask what was on his mind. Blaine keeps his eyes closed and hums “mmm, that’s nice.”

Kurt leans in and kisses him lightly, then pulls back as Blaine’s arms tighten around him. Blaine’s eyes crack open a bit, then widen as he notices Kurt’s expression. “What’s up?”

The words that had seemed so close to the surface freeze in Kurt’s throat.

Blaine sits up, looking more concerned as he watches Kurt’s face fall. “Kurt?”

“What if—“ Kurt stops and takes a deep breath. “What if we decide to have kids and then—“

“And then what, Kurt?”

“And then I suck at being a dad?”

“You’re still worried about that?”

“Well, I’d never really considered it as something that would happen in the near future before. Now I’m thinking.”

Blaine sits up. “C’mere. C’mon. Sit up. Cuddle time.” He wraps his arms around Kurt and takes ahold of his left hand. “When we got married, there was nothing in our vows about being dads or having kids. I would consider it if it’s something you want, but I’m not pushing this, hon. Just because our friends were teasing you doesn’t mean a thing.”

“What if I want kids, though? What if I think it’s time?”

Blaine plays with Kurt’s ring. “Then we’d talk about it, make plans, and do what we need to do to make it happen.”

“I think I want to know what that means, Blaine.”

“You think?”

“I know. We really are ready for this, aren’t we?”

“I think we might be.”


	3. Chapter 3

**September, 2021**

 

Of course, the school year starts up with its usual chaos, wreaking havoc on Kurt and Blaine’s regular summer pattern of taking care of the house and the dog. Kurt is assigned a class of juniors this year as well, which is exciting, because he will have the chance to see the same students he had last year grow into better critical thinkers and writers. Those that don’t he can hopefully steer towards a career better suited for them before it’s too late. While Kurt is trying to create order in the bedlam that is the first two weeks of school, Blaine is researching options on the internet. Kurt gets a full update of all Blaine’s research on Wednesday evenings, the only time they can grab for themselves when one or the other of them isn’t working.   

“No matter what route we take, it is going to be a while before we have a child placed in our home.”

“I know. How long though?”

“That depends on a lot of things. At least a year. Surrogacy means one of us will be genetically linked to the baby, but it’s really expensive. However, we’d get to know the mother in advance, be a part of the pregnancy, and really experience fatherhood from the beginning.

“That being said, there are risks that go along with it, too. We might not have success with the first or second try at fertilization. We’d have to decide if we want to use a stranger or ask someone we know. Do we still want a separate egg donor? I doubt Quinn would still be willing, even if we knew where she was.”

Blaine continues, “Then there are all the different kinds of adoption: domestic or international, public or private, open or closed, and any combination of those things.”

Kurt pulls out his laptop and starts to put together a spreadsheet with pros and cons, facts and figures, cost analysis and comparisons of all different kinds of adoption using the information they can find online.  They find out it is still practically impossible for a gay couple to adopt internationally, and they realize they would be taking on a lot more potential problems with a foster-to-adopt route. There are horror stories all over the internet.

They decide that sitting around the table is not the best way to discuss this. Instead, as they often do when they have decisions to make, big or small, they hitch Royal up to his leash, put on their running shoes, and head out to the pier. As they walk hand-in-hand, watching Royal chase leaves and shadows, they discuss their options some more.

“So do you want to have a child that looks like you?”

Kurt laughs. “Ha! No, if anything, I’d want a child with your beautiful curls.”

“Seriously? I wouldn’t wish this hair on anyone!” Blaine snorts. “I should think your blue-green eyes would create a heartbreaker in training, though. They worked on me.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Only for you, you dork.”

“That’s so not true. Lots of guys would have fallen under your spell in college, if you’d have let them.” Blaine and Kurt look at each other with wry grins, and Blaine continues, “Since surrogacy is so expensive, and neither of us really feel passionate about having a biological child anymore, maybe adoption is the way to go, instead. What do you think?”

“Absolutely. Now all we have to do it put together a fabulous commercial for our family and sign up with an agency, right?”

“There’s a bit more to it than that.”

“I know. I was trying to be silly.”

By this point in the conversation they have reached the end of the pier. Kurt pulls Royal’s ball out of his pocket, lets him off the leash and starts tossing the ball across the parking lot. Stepping up behind him, Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist and whispers in his ear, “No matter what happens, I’m just glad to be doing this with you. I love you.”

Leaning back to snuggle with his husband, Kurt takes a deep breath and exhales, “I love you, too.”

After playing with Royal for a while, they walk the mile and a half home hand-in-hand, quiet, each pondering the future, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, their love will still be there.

It doesn’t take long to choose an agency once they decide on private adoption. Googling “LGBT adoption agency NYC” brings up more options than they could have imagined. Finding out that former Warbler Wesley Montgomery had found his way from being a family lawyer to heading up an adoption agency in Manhattan sealed the deal. They meet with him for an orientation session, fill out all the paperwork including their autobiographies, background checks, financial records and health care release forms and schedule their first home visit from a social worker in a matter of days.

  


**October 2021**

The first day of Fall Recess at NYU, the day of their home visit, Kurt wakes up in a panic.

“Blaine! Get up. We have to get ready for the social worker!”

Blaine rolls over, grumbling in his sleep. Kurt takes hold of his shoulder, shaking gently at first, then more vigorously.

“Blaine, c’mon! We’ve got things to do. We have to clean the bathrooms, scrub the kitchen floor, get the dishwasher run and unloaded after breakfast and she’s going to be here soon!”

Blaine’s eyes crack open as he grabs his phone to peer at the time and groans. “Dammit, Kurt. It’s only 5:30. I haven’t even been in bed for five hours.”

“I know, I know, but she’s coming today.”

“Who’s coming today?”

“The social worker, Blaine. Get up!”

By this time, Kurt is out of bed himself, grabbing the clothes he needs for the day as he berates Blaine for sleeping in.

Blaine begrudgingly sits up in bed, regarding Kurt as if he is a lunatic. “Kurt, it’s 5:30 in the morning. She’s not coming until after noon. We spent all last night cleaning and organizing. Everything is ready. Come back to bed and cuddle with me.”

Kurt whirls around, eyes blazing. “You want me to come back to bed?!? Are you crazy??”

Blaine says “Kurt Elizabeth Anderson-Hummel, get over here. I do not want to get out from under these covers.”

Kurt reluctantly moves towards the bed. Blaine reaches out, takes Kurt’s hands in his own, and rests his chin gently on their joint hands, looking up at Kurt with puppy dog eyes. “Kurt, I know you’re scared. I know you’re nervous, but trust me. Panicking now will not help anything. The house is perfect. The paperwork is ready and signed. There is nothing we can do right now but be still and enjoy each other until she gets here. Besides, Wes told us they aren’t here to grade us on our cleaning abilities. They just want to make sure the house is safe and that there is enough room for a child.”

Kurt breathes in, sighs, and allows Blaine to pull him down onto his lap.

“It’s going to be fine, honey. I promise. And she’s going to love you. You are amazing. We are amazing together.”

Kurt leans back into Blaine’s arms, resting on his chest as Blaine leans back onto the headboard with his arms wrapped around Kurt from behind.

“You’re going to be a phenomenal dad, Kurt. I just know it. She’ll see it, too. You’ll see.”

“I always feel so safe in your arms. How do you even do that?”

Blaine chuckles. “I love you.” He kisses Kurt gently on his neck, just at that spot where his jaw comes together by his ear.

“I love you, too.”

  


When 8:00 finally rolls around, after Blaine and Kurt have spent time cuddling, talking, and napping, they get out of bed, share a shower, and eventually go downstairs to eat breakfast together. They clean up the kitchen, load and run the dishwasher, and sweep and mop the floor together. They still have hours to wait until the social worker will arrive, so Blaine suggests taking Royal for a walk out to the end of the pier. When Royal hears the word walk, he makes a mad dash for the door, jumping like the puppy he once was.

Kurt, Blaine and Royal jog together down the street and around the corner, down Paradise Avenue, past Sparkill creek, and out Ferry Road, the long road with the tall grass, and down to the empty parking lot, Royal running back and forth across the path on his extended leash.  He stops to sniff at every tree trunk, every sign post and every fire hydrant all the way out to the pier.  When Blaine finally lets Royal off his leash and tosses out his favorite tennis ball, he throws it too far and it lands in the river.  Royal jumps in after it while Kurt groans, knowing Royal just earned himself a doggie bath when they return home. Blaine laughs and starts bouncing around the parking lot himself, letting Royal chase him, jump up on him, knock him over and get him thoroughly dirty, soaked through and needing a shower himself.

Eventually Kurt lets go a little as well, and he starts singing “ _I love my dog as much as I love you. . ._ ”, a teasing smirk on his face.  Blaine volleys back with “ _You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog_ ,” to which Kurt replies, _“I’m just awalkin’ my dog, strolling along, singing my song_.”

Blaine grins mischievously, and sings out,

“ _So messed up I want you here_  
In my room I want you here  
Now we're gonna be 

_Face-to-face_  
And I'll lay right down In my favorite place  
And now I wanna be your dog”

Kurt throws his head back and laughs out loud. Blaine grins from the ground where Royal is sprawled over his lap, licking his face. Kurt walks over and takes Royal’s leash from Blaine’s pocket, clips it to Royal’s collar and says “Come on, boys. We’ve got some cleaning up to do.”

As they turn to head back towards the house, Blaine turns on his puppy eyes to convince Kurt that they need a snack in the form of a muffin and a cup of coffee from Lizzie’s café, their favorite breakfast stop. They walk out the north side of the pier on the walking path to go the extra three blocks to get to the café and Kurt turns to Blaine, “You two are filthy. You stay out here on the bench while I run in and grab our food.”

“Sounds good to me, but don’t forget to put some extra sugar in my coffee! I’m gonna need the energy boost after this morning.” Blaine grins for extra effect.

Kurt rolls his eyes and heads into the coffee shop, where he decides to pick up some quiche for lunch so he doesn’t have to dirty any more dishes before their home study. When he comes back out, he finds Blaine stretched out on his stomach, arms tucked up on the bench supporting his head, with Royal lying next to the bench, head on his paws. He bursts out laughing again, “I can’t tell which of you is which. Let’s go home and get you both cleaned up.”

They finish their coffees on the short walk home. They walk around to the back yard, where Kurt gets out the hose to fill up the doggie bath and spray down Royal. Blaine offers to do it, but Kurt shoves him towards the house with the bag of food.

“Go inside and get yourself cleaned up. The social worker is supposed to be here in an hour.”

Kurt spends some time scrubbing the river water stench out of Royal’s fur, getting himself soaked in the process. When he finishes, he stakes Royal in the yard so he can run around while he dries, dumps the tub into the grass and heads up to the garage to put it away when a car pulls in the driveway. Kurt glances at his watch, surprised to find that Royal’s bath took almost 40 minutes.

When the lady steps out of the car, briefcase in hand, Kurt realizes that he is still soaking wet, smells like wet dog, and that this is very likely the social worker they’ve been anticipating all day.  Never one to shy away from a problem, Kurt sets the dog bath down and walks over to the woman, his heart racing 100 miles an hour.

“Good afternoon. I’m Kurt Anderson-Hummel. Can I help you?” Kurt’s heart hasn’t settled down, but he manages to get his introduction out with a calm voice, hardly shaky at all. _One point for team Anderson-Hummel._

“Oh, Mr. Anderson-Hummel,” the woman replies, smiling brightly. “I’m Josephine Jourdan. So nice to meet you.”

“Ms. Jourdan. We weren’t expecting you for a little bit. I was just finishing up giving our dog a bath.” Kurt gives himself more points for being polite, hoping she will as well.

“I wasn’t certain how long it would take to get all the way out here from the office. I guess I left too early.”

“Not at all. Come on in. I’ll introduce you to my husband and then go clean up.” _More points for the Anderson-Hummels for being accommodating._

Kurt walks towards the house, heart fluttering wildly, hoping that Blaine is more presentable than he is. When they walk in the front door, Kurt spies Blaine in through the kitchen door, freshly showered and changed, cutting up some melon at the counter to add to a fruit plate already filled with strawberries, cut pineapple and grapes. Kurt breathes a sigh of relief as he motions towards the couch in the living room.

“Won’t you sit down, Ms. Jourdan? My husband will be right out.”

Kurt scoots back to the kitchen as fast as he can. “Blaine, she’s here already! Stop chopping and get out there to talk to her. I need to change my shirt.”

Blaine smiles at Kurt. “You look great, honey. Don’t worry about your shirt. Come sit with us and let’s do this thing!”

Kurt, rolling his eyes, spits back under his breath “You’ve got to be kidding. I smell like wet dog! I’ll be down in five minutes.” Kurt grabs a piece of melon off the cutting board and heads towards the stairs.

When Kurt gets back downstairs fifteen minutes later, he’s wearing an entirely new outfit, right down to his underwear. He feels better, more confident, and he sits down next to Blaine on the loveseat. The interview goes very smoothly, and by the time it’s over, Kurt wonders what he’d ever worried about in the first place.

  


**November 2021**

Several weeks go by as they wait to hear back from Wes at the agency. Kurt knows these things take time, but his nerves are frazzled. There are more phone calls, more training sessions, more small group visits at the agency, writing a “Dear birth parent” letter,  but no news about whether or not they’ve been approved to even try to adopt, much less had their name selected by a family.

Kurt, as one who likes to be in control, can’t stand the not-knowing. It reminds him of how it felt when he first got out of NYADA, going on audition after audition but never getting the parts, often never getting even a phone call to let him know that he didn’t get it or why. He’d spent days at a time psyching himself up to believe that this would be the one, or that would be the call back that would get him the part, only to discover that he wasn’t going to be the star he’d always thought he could. He wonders if maybe he isn’t ready for this process at all, knowing how hard it was for him to survive those first insecure months out of college, before he’d found his calling as a writer first and then a teacher. At the time, the process was painful and disconcerting. Now, looking back, leaving performance behind was the best decision he’d ever made. He’s hoping that this one will be even better.

Thanksgiving comes and goes with no news. They’d been told that it could take up to three months for their approval to go through, so they aren’t really surprised that they haven’t heard, but it hasn’t made it any easier for Kurt to relax or enjoy life. Winter has hit hard and early as well, so he spends half his life trying to sand and salt the sidewalks in front of their home to keep them from icing over.

Kurt and Blaine do their annual visit to Adam and Larry’s for Thanksgiving, as is their custom. Adam settles in next to Kurt in between dinner and dessert.

“So, you’ve decided to try for it, then, adoption?”

“We have. Somewhere out there is a little boy or girl that needs us.”

“Good for you guys, then. What’s that going to look like? Who’s going to be the one that gives up their job?”

Kurt looks at him, surprised. “What? No one has to give up their job! Actually, we’ve got it figured out so that we can both keep doing what we’re doing and not need day care at all.”

“Seriously? What about the commute? It has to be insane driving in from where you are.”

“We don’t even have a car, Adam. We ride transit in and out. We haven’t had a car since we moved out to New York. I thought you knew that?!”

“I knew you didn’t have one when you lived downtown, but I thought surely by now you’d given in and gone all suburban.”

Blaine walks over and sits next to Kurt, resting his head on Kurt’s shoulder. “What’s happening over here?”

“Adam was just wondering how we’ve survived without a car, living in the suburbs.”

“Oh, well, that’s actually pretty easy in Piermont. We’ve got a grocery right in town, almost like a convenience store but with real produce and stuff. We get everything we need right there. Plus we’re walking distance from the bus line to go into Port Authority. Easy as pie.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “That’s all well and good now, isn’t it? What are you going to do when the kid spikes a fever at midnight and the bus isn’t running? What then?”

Kurt and Blaine look at each other. That thought really hadn’t crossed either of their minds. “That’s something we probably need to think about, isn’t it?”

  
  


Thanksgiving break ends and Kurt heads back to work on Monday morning, bringing a bag full of essays with him to pass back to his students. He compliments Caroline Greyson on her excellent style as he hands over her paper during his junior seminar. She continues to be a stand-out student in every way.

That afternoon, during office hours, she knocks on his door while he is working.

“Professor Hummel, sir?”

“Caroline! Come in. What can I do for you?”

“Well, sir, I was hoping you’d have a minute or two to chat.”

Kurt turns away from his computer. “Of course. I was reading through some of the revisions people have been making online, but I can do that anytime. What do you need?”

“I’ve been trying to decide whether or not I want to declare a Media Crit concentration or stick with Journalism.”

Kurt motions for her to sit down at the circular table he keeps in his office for just such meetings with students.

“Which way are you leaning?”

“Well, I really want to write, not be in front of a camera. Most of the people in my year are heading into Broadcast Journalism, but that’s not where I want to focus.” Caroline looks down as she thinks her way through her next statement. “I guess I want to talk to you about it because I think you’d make a great advisor for a writer. I love what I’ve read of your work.”

Kurt smiles. “Thank you. I appreciate it. My work, however, is less important than what I see in you.” Kurt pulls his laptop over to the table they are sitting at. “So what you are really trying to choose between is Print/Online or Media Crit, then?”

“Exactly. I think I could do well at both.”

While tapping a few keys on the keyboard to open the correct form, he asks, “What is your other major?”

“Well, when I found out every Journalism student had to double, I went for one I knew I’d be good at, Art History. I’ve already completed all the requirements for that. I’m working on my honors thesis right now. I really just need to focus on the Journalism piece, and maybe my music minor.”

Kurt’s eyes light up. “You’re a musician, too?”

“I play piano and sing, yes. I haven’t decided if I want to do the performance requirement to get the minor, but I’ve finished the four required courses. I especially loved the music criticism course, which makes me think I’d really like to go Media Crit as well.”

Kurt looks back to the computer screen, checking on her status in the department. “Well, Caroline, you are obviously a dedicated student. Your grades are perfect. And let me just say that your work in my courses has been excellent. I’d be honored to be your advisor. Your analysis has always been well informed, well researched, and your opinions are never frivolous. I may not always agree with what you have to say, but I know why you say what you do. That is the mark of an excellent critic.”

“So, you really think I can do it? Media Crit?” Caroline’s eyes are sparkling with excitement and she looks ready to jump up and down.

“I really do.” Kurt smiles warmly at her, excited by the possibilities he sees in her future. “You have shown yourself to be a dedicated student, a truly critical thinker, and you stand by your decisions. Let’s finish the application right now.”

  


When he gets home that evening, he’s grateful the theater is dark on Mondays so he can share his great news with his husband. Blaine opens a bottle of wine to have with their dinner, and they toast to Kurt’s wonderful day, his student’s wonderful potential, and their future together. After dinner, they take Royal on a quick walk in the frigid weather, then go to bed to warm each other up under the covers.

  
  


**December 2021**

Christmas comes and goes with a trip back to Ohio to visit with Carole and Burt while Royal stays with their neighbor across the street, Kayla, and her 11-year-old daughter, Laura. They don’t spend a lot of time talking about a potential adoption because despite the fact they’d completed all the paperwork, there is nothing really to talk about. No phone calls from the agency, no prospective birth parents interviewing them, no forward motion at all. Frankly, the waiting is driving Kurt insane.

Blaine doesn’t seem to understand all the angst Kurt is feeling. He says things like “We knew this would take a while. Just be patient.”, “You’re always so strong, baby. You can be strong and patient, now, too.” and “Things happen when the timing is right. No matter how much you push, if it isn’t fated to happen, it won’t.”  That kind of thinking has always driven Kurt nuts. He has achieved nothing in his life without pushing for what he wants, even if it hasn’t always worked out the way he’d hoped, Broadway being the perfect example, but for the most part, it’s the only philosophy he knows. Just because Blaine has had no trouble getting parts in or out of school, has not had to struggle in his career the way Kurt has, it makes it hard for him to relate to Kurt’s turmoil. Nevertheless, Kurt tries to keep calm over winter break but restlessness settles into his bones. He finds himself taking Royal for a run every day, sometimes twice a day, just to stave off the nervous energy, despite the frigid weather.

Of course, Blaine is still working, still performing eight shows a week, which only means Kurt finds himself in bed alone at the end of most evenings, waiting for his husband to come home. The schedule doesn’t bother him when he’s working as he has plenty to do, but with no papers to grade or lessons to plan, his brain is on overdrive, wondering about the possibilities for their future.

He researches different vehicles and their safety ratings. He shops for cars online, looking for a dealership that is near to transit so he and Blaine can get there easily. He has the choices narrowed down to three different models of Volvo before the end of the first night of break, and he and Blaine go and pick one out the next morning.

Once that task is out of the way, he imagines bringing home a perfect, curly-haired baby boy, Ethan Finn Anderson-Hummel. He knows that their child will have perfect pitch as well as the ability to hit a baseball and catch a football and will be a straight-A student. His Uncle Cooper will spoil him rotten, bringing him the best, most obnoxious toys with loud sirens, honking horns, and flashing lights.

One night Kurt finds himself wondering what Finn would have been like as an uncle. If anything, he thinks Finn and Cooper would have competed for the biggest, flashiest, loudest toys possible without caring a whit for Ethan’s parents’ sanity. Even so, he will never ever feel grateful that Finn isn’t around to mess with their child. The melancholy sets in hard that night and he curls up in Blaine’s arms as soon as he climbs into bed, tears trickling down his face as he tries not to worry and fails.

  


**January 2022**

The New Year dawns with news from Wes. Their file has been activated. They are officially prospective parents in the state of New York. Kurt goes back to work with a bounce in his step and a song in his heart. He knows it could take ages before someone will choose them, but at least there is now a chance they can.

His courses are full of eager journalists, even though most of them want to be stars, not critics. There are a few bright spots, including Caroline Greyson, who is not in one of his classes this term, but he continues to be her advisor and she stops into his office hours every so often to ask his advice about papers, shows, and theater. She even writes a review of _Annie_ for the feature element of her Journalistic Inquiry class. Kurt teases her about trying to get into his good graces by giving his husband a positive review, but in actual fact, her style once again impresses him. She’d be an excellent feature writer for _The Cut_. She has exactly the edgy style they’re looking for. She just needs the degree on her CV and he could easily get her an interview.

The last day of January brings even more great news. A birth mom has pulled Kurt’s and Blaine’s file. She wants to meet with them and get to know them a little bit more.


	4. Chapter 4

**February 2022**

  


The day of the meeting with the birth mom is full of positive omens. The sun is shining brightly. The high temperature is above freezing for the third day in a row. There is practically no traffic on Kurt’s commute into the city for work.

They’ve scheduled it on a day when he only has one class in the morning, and he cancels his office hours that afternoon. Blaine is planning on meeting him in the city for lunch, then they will go to Wes’s office together to meet with the birth mother. They’d both felt meeting at the office was better than trying to talk over lunch or coffee at a restaurant.

As they’re walking together, hand-in-hand, Kurt blurts out, “God, Blaine, I haven’t been this nervous since my first date with Adam.”

Blaine raises an eyebrow and smirks half a smile at Kurt. “Adam, huh?”

Kurt smacks him in the shoulder. “You know what I mean, you jerk.”

Blaine laughs. “I get what you mean. You actually haven’t had many first dates to pull from. How many times did you change clothes this morning, anyway?”

“Oh, only about three or four more times than usual, I think.” They laugh together as they continue on their way.

  


When they arrive at Wes’s office building, Kurt grabs tightly to Blaine’s hand like a lifeline as they check in at the reception desk, ride the elevator up to the correct floor, greet Wes, and follow him back to the conference room where they would meet with the family. Once they are at the conference table, Kurt finally lets go of Blaine’s hand in order to organize the pencils and pens in the cup at the center of the table.

“This mom is young, guys. Very young,” begins Wes.

“How young?” asks Kurt.

“Fifteen.”

Kurt immediately clutches at Blaine’s hand again. “That’s one of the big risks for moms who change their minds. I read all about it online.”

“Kurt, honey, don’t put the cart before the horse,” Blaine says, trying to placate him. “Let’s meet her before we start worrying about all the possibilities.”

“Kurt’s right, Blaine,” interjects Wes. “The younger the mom, the more likely she is to change her mind. There are several other red flags here, as well. She has refused to tell her parents about her pregnancy, and she has refused to attend any of the counseling we offer. Normally we would have advised her to wait before meeting anyone, but she is insistent that we take care of all of this now.”

Blaine looks over at Kurt, who is staring at the pencils like he could move them through telekinesis, then back at Wes.

“Why are we even here, Wes? If this is such a bad idea?”

Kurt takes a deep breath through his nose and exhales slowly. “Let’s –“

The door opens at that moment. It’s Wes’s secretary, letting them know the birth mother has arrived.

Wes steps out into the hallway to usher her in. In the brief minute he is gone, Kurt and Blaine seek out each other’s eyes. Kurt knows his own eyes are full of fear. He is surprised to see that same fear reflected back to him through Blaine’s.

They stand when the young woman, really girl, walks into the room.  It is impossible to tell that she is even pregnant. Her stomach is still mostly flat and she is wearing a baggy sweatshirt over low-riding jeans. Her dirty-blond hair is greasy and hanging in her face, covering her kohl-lined eyes. She is biting on her lip piercing, holding her arms across her chest and not really looking either Kurt or Blaine in the eye.

Wes begins the introductions as Kurt and Blaine step around opposite sides of the table. “Kurt, Blaine, this is Maggie Underhill. Maggie, this is Kurt –“

Maggie interrupts, “You guys are gay, right?”

Kurt is taken aback for a moment, but Blaine pipes right up. “That’s right, we are. That was in our file.”

“Yeah, yeah. You both workin’?”

“Of course. That hasn’t changed since we wrote our letter.” Blaine is trying to look at the sullen girl in the eye, but she is staring down at the table or over his shoulder, anywhere but at Kurt and Blaine.

“You got enough money to take care of a kid?”

Kurt finds his tongue. “We are very capable of affording a child. We have a great little house –“

“I don’t wanna know where you live, man. Can you cover my medical bills?”

Kurt and Blaine look at each other across the table. This wasn’t how either of them expected the conversation to go.

“We can, if you choose us, yes.”

Maggie looks over at Wes. “Where’s those other folks at? That normal couple. I wanna meet them, too.”

Maggie turns and heads out the door before Kurt and Blaine even realize what’s happening. Wes chases after her, stuttering apologies to Kurt and Blaine over his shoulder as he bolts out the door.

Kurt and Blaine sink into chairs simultaneously, eyes open wide, shell-shocked. Kurt says wryly, “Well, that could have gone better.”

Blaine huffs out a breath. “That’s the understatement of the year.”

Wes returns a few minutes later. “I’m so sorry, guys. Are you okay?”

Kurt chuckles. “She’s going to have to throw a little more at me than that to rattle me.”

Blaine quirks an eyebrow at that, but Kurt is too focused on Wes to notice. “How many families is she talking to, Wes?”

“I can’t disclose that, but obviously, she is looking at more than just you guys.”

“She made that clear, didn’t she?”

Blaine snorts. “That’s another understatement.”

Wes hesitates before saying, “Guys, you need to know that she is looking for a family with money to spare. I think she selected your file because she has an idea that gay couples have higher income potential.”’

“Hah.”

“That isn’t us, Wes. You know that.”

  


Kurt and Blaine leave Wes’s office not knowing what Maggie is planning to do, but knowing that whatever she decides, it will have less to do with their interview and more to do with their income.

  


They find out the next day she went with another couple.

  


**May 2022**

  


It is several months of regular life before they get another call from Wes. This time the birth family would all like to meet with them; the mother, Jen; the father; and the mother’s parents. Of course, it’s the middle of finals week, and Kurt can’t possibly cancel a bit of his office hours or any of his classes. He asks a TA to take over for his Journalism as Literature class on Wednesday morning, and they schedule the meeting with plenty of time before Blaine’s matinee call time at the theater.

This birth mother and father are both young, seventeen and nineteen respectively. Her parents are behind her decision to give up the child for adoption 100 percent. They ask pointed questions, like:

 

_“Tell me, Kurt. You are a professor?”_

_“Yes, sir. At NYU.”_

_“Who will watch the baby while you’re at work? Do you have a day care in mind?”_

_“Actually sir,” interjects Blaine, “I am home during the days, every day except Wednesday. Next semester Kurt will be able to arrange his schedule to be home Wednesday afternoons, so no day care necessary.”_

and

_“Blaine, how stable is a Broadway career, really?”_

_“Well ma’am, I’ve been out of college for almost five years, and I’ve only had one month without a paying role. I’ve had one lead, but mostly feature parts like this one.”_

_“That’s amazing!”_

_Kurt tells her, “That’s Blaine. NYADA prepared him well for his career.”_

Kurt and Blaine have an answer for every question, and fifteen minutes into the meeting everyone is smiling, leaning back in their chairs, and laughing at each other’s favorite childhood stories.

Jen gets tears in her eyes when she hears about Kurt’s mother’s death and says, “I would never want my child to think I don’t love him or her. You’ll be sure to tell them I love them?”

 

Kurt and Blaine walk out of the office on their way back to work with a spring in their step and joy in their voices. Kurt breaks out in song as they walk down the stairs into the subway:

_Another year you made a promise_  
Another chance to turn it all around  
And do not save this for tomorrow  
Embrace the past and you can live for now  
  
And I will give the world to you

Blaine smiles and joins in, harmonizing on the third verse:

_Say everything you've always wanted_  
Be not afraid of who you really are  
Cause in the end we have each other  
And that's at least one thing worth living for  
  
And I would give the world to you

By the time the train comes, they are practically dancing around the platform and through the doors, so excited by the way things went in Wes’s office.

They try not to make a nuisance of themselves, waiting until Friday to call Wes for an update. The family hasn’t indicated one way or the other yet.

They find out on Monday morning, after spending the weekend dreaming of their future child, that the family went with another couple. Even Blaine has a hard time rationalizing this one. The idea of fate isn’t satisfying at all when your heart is shattering into pieces.

 

**August 2022**

 

The last phone call from Wes’s office comes just before Burt’s annual visit at the end of summer break. The birth mother specifically asked for a gay couple to adopt her child. She has looked at several couples and wants to meet with Kurt and Blaine as soon as possible. The following Monday, the day Burt is scheduled to arrive, Kurt and Blaine get up early in the morning and ride into the city. They are planning to meet Burt at the airport after their appointment with Wes.

The birth mother, Julia, is waiting for them, sitting at the table in the conference room. She has obviously done her research on Kurt and Blaine.

She starts out by gushing at Blaine, “I took my niece to see Annie about six weeks ago. You’re Rooster, aren’t you? You’re so talented.”

Blaine smiles his 200 watt smile at her. “Thank you. I love doing it.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a performer, but I know I can’t live my dreams with a baby, and the father is an ass. I can’t possibly keep it.”

Kurt interjects, “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

Julia smiles. “The baby was shy during the ultrasound and the tech didn’t get a good look. I was told there is a 60% chance it’s a boy. Who wants to plan on a 60/40 shot?”

Julia explains how she wants to put her child up for adoption because her ex-boyfriend is abusive and controlling. She doesn’t want the child to have to endure being raised by “that man”. She mentions a small possibility that the child’s father is actually an Asian man she had a brief affair with, but more than likely not.

The more they chat with her, the more excited they become, until finally Blaine can’t hold it in anymore. “Can I please, please, touch your belly? Please?”

They all burst into laughter, and Julia agrees, “Of course you can. It’s going to be your baby.”

Kurt’s jaw drops as Blaine’s eyes get round as round as saucers. Kurt whispers, “Do you mean it?”

Julia smiles warmly. “I can’t imagine a better match for my baby.”

Kurt and Blaine walk out of the office with paperwork signed stating that they will be parents to Julia’s unborn child, who is due to arrive before the end of September. They are ecstatic, and so is Burt when they tell him right in the baggage claim of the airport because Kurt can’t hold it in for another second. They are going to be parents. Burt is going to be a grandpa in less than a month.

Burt’s trip is spent remodeling the house again, but this time it’s the second bedroom upstairs. It will no longer be the guest room; it’s now the nursery.

Burt and Blaine take apart the guest bed and move it into the basement to store as soon as they get home from the airport, while Kurt takes Royal on a quick walk and stakes him in the yard. Burt is planning to sleep on the couch from this point on, knowing that his grandchild’s new room is far more important than him sleeping on a real mattress. They pull down wallpaper and tear up carpet that same afternoon. Tuesday, Blaine calls in to have his understudy take the next three shows so he can participate in the room remodeling. They get the plaster repaired Tuesday and start the long process of stripping the wood floor.

They finish sanding the floor down to bare wood Wednesday morning and paint the walls on Wednesday afternoon and evening. Kurt outlines large shapes and angles on the walls with masking tape, and Burt and Blaine fill them with the bright purple and green paint they chose. They paint all the trim in a soft yellow, and when they are done it looks like Mardi Gras came and stayed in their son’s or daughter’s room.

Thursday is another day to work on the wood floors. The house has beautiful oak floors, but they’ve been scratched and dented and scraped over the years. Previous owners had committed the egregious sin of putting carpet down over the top of them. By sanding them down the way they did, they can start over with fresh polyurethane. They start in the corner furthest away from the door and it takes just over half an hour to coat the entire floor. Three hours later, they can do the second coat, and then they break for lunch. After lunch, they take Royal out to the pier to wait until they can add a third layer, at which time Kurt declares the major work finished. They take a snack break, then climb into the car to go shopping for baby furniture.

The Babies R Us superstore in Nanuet is about twenty minutes away from their house. They stop at the customer service desk to get information about the registry, but decide they don’t have time to host a shower. Instead, the three men head through the store with a cart and a flatbed, picking up the items they know they can’t live without.

Kurt and Blaine select a blond-wood, convertible crib with a matching dresser and changing table that has double doors underneath for cupboard storage. Burt points out, “You know, guys, after the baby is potty trained you can use that one to keep toys or books in.”

“Does that even matter, though? It’s a changing table,” asks Blaine.

Kurt points out, “It’s awfully expensive to use it for just a few years. The more we can repurpose the better.”

“I bet we can design a bookcase that would sit on top of it for later, when the kid is old enough to read,” adds Burt, and it’s decided.

Kurt falls in love with a purple, safari-themed bedding set that has matching appliques of animals that would look perfect in the freshly painted shapes on the walls. Blaine finds a rocking chair and pad that coordinates perfectly. With each item they put into the cart or onto the flatbed, their excitement grows. This is really happening. They are going to be dads.

When Blaine reports to work for Friday’s show, he finds his cast mates have arranged an impromptu shower. He has to call Kurt and Burt to come pick him up because he has so many packages of diapers and sets of onesies it would be practically impossible to get them home on the bus. Burt is more than happy to drive into the city, even at night, when it means his grandbaby will be well taken care of.

By the time Burt leaves to go home, the crib is set up and made, the rugs are down, the diaper caddy is loaded and the nursery is completely ready for that little baby to arrive in just a few short weeks. Kurt is exhausted, but he starts the new semester with a hopeful heart.

They have a chance to chat with Julia several times over the course of the next few weeks. They tell her about the nursery, about their parenting schedule, how Kayla, their neighbor, has even offered to watch the baby for a couple of hours on Tuesdays, if they want her to, to help with the childcare schedule.  Julia seems impressed with their attention to detail.

Every day is one step closer to the due date, one step closer to bringing their child home, one step closer to parenthood.

  


**September 2022**

They get the phone call on the evening of Sunday, the 25th. Julia is in labor.

Their baby is coming.

The last bus into the city leaves at 9:17. Since neither of them feels safe to drive and they have just enough time to make it to the bus stop at the café, they decide to take transit into the city. They make it to the hospital in plenty of time to see their son born. Julia is in labor for six hours before Ethan Finn arrives.

Burt and Carole cry when they make the call. Kurt and Blaine completely understand, because they can’t stop the tears from flowing, either. He has ten perfect, tiny fingers and ten perfect, tiny toes, each with a miniature, paper thin nail. His head is full of thick, dark hair. His eyes are narrow, dark brown, and his skin tone is darker than they’d expected. It is obvious that his father was not Julia’s boyfriend after all.

They get to bring Ethan home on Tuesday morning. Kurt wraps himself in a black baby carrier with Ethan inside, and Blaine walks with one arm around them, snuggled in close to peek at his son every few seconds until Kurt starts to bat him away, claiming that he can’t take two steps forward without Blaine being in the way. They secure Ethan in the car seat in the back seat of their Volvo, and Blaine takes the wheel, slowly and safely carrying their precious cargo out of the city to their little house in their little village.

They decide to enjoy the fresh breezes of autumn by putting Ethan in the stroller and heading out for a walk. Their very first stop is the café, where they show Ethan off to all their favorite baristas and waitresses, who coo and fuss.

“He’s just the prettiest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Isn’t he a doll!”

“He’s gonna have to beat the ladies off with a stick, now, won’t he?”

“-Or the boys!” retorts Kurt, smiling widely.

  
  
It doesn’t take long for them to realize that life as they knew it was over. Kurt tries to cook a meal that evening while Blaine and Ethan are napping only to hear Ethan’s tiny cries through the baby monitor. Wanting Blaine to get as much rest as possible after their crazy couple of days, Kurt runs to get the baby before he can wake up his daddy. By the time he gets the diaper changed and disposed of, Ethan swaddled in a blanket and back downstairs, the meal is ruined, black and smoking in the frying pan. Thank goodness for take-out.

 

Of course, all their friends want to meet their precious boy as well. Rachel arrives on Wednesday morning bearing a fruit basket, several vegan casseroles to put in the freezer, and a pound of their favorite coffee, pre-ground.

“As if you guys are gonna survive the next six months without coffee, am I right?”

“How on earth did you get all that out here on the bus?” asks Kurt.

Rachel grins. “I have my ways.”

“Let me guess, someone offered to help the damsel-in-distress?” remarks Kurt, sarcastically.

“Why Kurt, I resent that. As a matter of fact, one of my many fans noticed my heavy burden and in between gushing over my role as Barbra last season and quoting my lines at me, I managed to get them to hang on to a bag or two.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and then looks over at Blaine. “The more things change the more things stay the same. Remember moving her in and out of the loft? Multiple times?”

Blaine chuckles.

Rachel plops herself down on the couch. “So tell me all about this precious boy.”

She stays for several hours, feeds Ethan, and even changes a couple of diapers.

Kurt and Blaine are grateful to her for everything, but especially the food. Who knew how hard it would be to cook anything with a newborn in the house?

  
  


Adam and Larry wait for the weekend to stop by, bringing a bag of quick-cook groceries and fresh coffee from the café. Ethan has just gone down for his nap when the doorbell rings, waking him right back up. Kurt and Blaine spend the visit with their friends passing a crabby, overtired baby boy back and forth and never sitting down. It’s almost as if there is a point past which if they bend their knees too far, the baby starts wailing and it takes forever to calm him down again.

Adam and Larry stay for less than an hour before making their excuses and leaving quickly, saying they’ll come back in a couple of weeks.

  


Kurt and Blaine spend blissful moments and stressful days and nights with Ethan, learning how to care for him, coaxing him into taking a bottle or sleeping, and letting them change his diapers. Kurt has never been so exhausted in his life but never so joyful. He spends his days teaching and his evenings and nights cuddling, cooing, and singing over his precious son. Blaine’s days are the reverse, spending the days with their son and his evenings at work, but his joy is evident as well, even through the dark circles under his eyes. The make-up covers them at work, but nothing can cover it during the day. They are both exhausted but ecstatic.

  


They love taking time together on Saturday mornings to wrap up warmly, put Royal on his leash, and take the family to the café. The servers continually coo over Ethan and their family quickly becomes a favorite. Even when Kurt stops in alone on his way to work in the morning, he is asked “How is that beautiful baby boy of yours?” and “Where are your handsome men?” He smiles all the way into the city.

  


The neighbors are ecstatic for them, and every time Kurt or Blaine takes Royal out for a walk, they seem to run into someone who asks about Ethan, parenthood, or their sleep-deprivation. One afternoon, when Kurt has just arrived home but before Blaine has to leave to go in for his call time, their doorbell rings.

Kurt opens the door to find Kayla standing there with a huge bouquet of blue balloons tied to a card.

“Oh my goodness, what’s this?” Kurt asks, as Blaine comes up behind him with Ethan in his arms.

“The neighbors got together to get you a little something for that sweetie of yours,” she replied. “We didn’t want to overwhelm you with everyone coming over at once, but we wanted to do a little something to welcome this little guy to the neighborhood.”

“Thank you so much, oh my God!” replies Blaine. “This is incredible.”

“Babies are special creatures,” Kayla replies. “Yours is absolutely precious. I think every teenaged girl on the street wants to be your best babysitter, too.”

Kurt and Blaine thank her for the gesture, and she goes on her way. When they open the card, they find fifteen signatures and a $100 gift card to Babies ‘R’ Us inside, along with handmade “business cards” for several babysitter options, including Kayla’s daughter, Laura. Kurt turns to Blaine and smiles, wraps his arms around his neck carefully, so as not to disturb Ethan, and kisses Blaine soundly on the lips.

Kurt then says, “We’ve got good neighbors, don’t we?” and leans in for another kiss.

  
  


Even Royal has been acting differently. He prances around the house, looking pleased as punch, whenever Ethan is awake. When Ethan is in his swing, Royal lays underneath it, looking up at him in what looks like adoration. When Ethan is tucked into his crib, Royal plants himself outside the door, keeping watch all night long. Kurt and Blaine trip over him more than once on their way to a midnight feeding.

  


Ethan is an easy-going child. His Asian heritage becomes more obvious as he progresses out of the newborn stage. Julia calls once, asks for a photo, and then nothing. No communication at all. Until the 30th day. Two weeks before the 45th day, the expiration date on her parental rights, Wes arrives at their door.

  


Blaine answers the door, carrying Ethan in one arm, Royal panting and keeping watch from behind him. “Wes! Oh my goodness, come in! Would you like to see our little guy?”

Wes takes some time to coo over Ethan before he asks Blaine if they can sit down together in the living room.

“Just a minute, let me put him down in the crib. It’s nappy time.” Blaine singsongs his way up the stairs to Ethan’s room, lays him gently in the crib, tucks his pacifier in his mouth and touches his cheek gently with the back of his index finger.

When Blaine arrives back in the living room, Wes asks, “Is Kurt home?”

“No, it’s what, Tuesday? It’s his short day today. He teaches until 10 and his office hours run until noon. Then they’re on Fall break.”

“I thought break had already started. What time do you expect him home, then?”

“I think he’ll be home in a few minutes. Why? Wes, you look really serious. What’s going on?”

“Let’s wait for Kurt,” Wes replied. “I want to hear all about your new life.”

Blaine begins to gush about Ethan. He tells Wes about the neighbors and clerks in town and how everyone has fallen in love with their little boy. He explains how Royal has been so patient and caring with the baby, it’s almost like he’s Ethan’s third daddy. He shares how wonderful yet difficult it is to sit up at midnight, rocking with this precious bundle, cuddling and singing lullabies until he falls back asleep. Blaine radiates contentment. It seems like no time at all when Kurt arrives home about twenty minutes later, his bag over his shoulder, surprised to see Wes sitting on the couch.

“Wes! Oh my gosh! Did you see our precious boy?” Kurt walks over and gives Wes a one-armed hug as he juggles his school bag down to the floor.

“I did, thanks. He’s adorable.”

“Of course he is. He’s just about the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!”

“Listen, guys, I need to talk to you about something.”

Kurt and Blaine hear the ominous tone right away. “What’s going on?”

“Well, there is no easy way to talk about this. You know how Julia thought Ethan’s father was her ex? Only now it’s obvious that it isn’t?”

“Ye-e-es.”

Wes takes a deep breath as Kurt reaches across and grabs Blaine’s hand. “Guys, I am so sorry about this. Ethan’s birth father wants the chance to know his son.”

Kurt relaxes a little. “Oh! Well that’s no problem. I mean, we already agreed to an open adoption with Julia. That shouldn’t be any problem to add him into the arrangement, right?”

Wes looks down and scuffs his toe on the rug. “Actually, Kurt, he is contesting the adoption. He never waived his parental rights. Apparently Julia wasn’t completely honest with us. They weren’t just ‘having an affair’. They were together for a long time. He was supporting her through the pregnancy. He wants to raise his son.”

Blaine interjects, “But, they can’t do that, can they? I thought if the mother agreed, it was a done deal, right?”

“She put his name on the birth certificate. He is the legal father. Even if he wasn’t, she has 45 days to contest the adoption, and it’s only been 30. I’m so sorry, guys.”

Kurt collapses back into the couch. “How long? How long do we have until they come and take our son away from us?”

Wes grimaces. “I need to deliver him to them tomorrow morning.”

  


They spend their last evening with Ethan together, Blaine having called in as soon as they realized there was nothing they could do to stop the process. Ethan wasn’t going to be their son anymore. They hold him, sing silly songs to him, coo and smile through their tears. They want him to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, he is loved by these two men in this little house in this village outside New York City.

Wes comes to pick Ethan up on Wednesday morning, and the bottom falls out of their world.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**November 2022**

Kurt is grateful that he doesn’t have to work the rest of that week. Blaine plows through his shows on autopilot, anxious to get home to Kurt but hating the lonely feeling of emptiness in their home. That Saturday, they can’t stomach the thought of taking Royal out for their usual walk, seeing the ladies at the café. It takes them three weeks before they can go in to the café and tell them the news. They all cry together, and Kurt and Blaine take home a dozen muffins and a whole quiche on the house.

They skip Thanksgiving at Adam’s that year. They can’t face seeing all their friends when their hearts are still shattered to smithereens.  Kurt forces himself to get through his classes, sit through his office hours, and grade some of the papers that have crossed his desk, but he usually decides that it’s too much effort. He loads his bag with the rest of the papers he hasn’t had time or energy to look at, hoists it over his shoulder, and goes home. Royal climbs into his lap the minute he sits down, and he doesn’t even notice or care that the dog is on the couch. He just buries his face into Royal’s fur and lets the tears flow.

He does the same thing again, day in, day out. Some of the papers can end up in his bag for weeks, but he just doesn’t have the energy to take them out, much less put marking pen to paper and try to give constructive criticism on someone else’s critique. It is too much effort to do anything when everything is a reminder of their lost little boy. His early schedule on Wednesdays, the blankets and diaper bag they haven’t had the heart to put away yet, everywhere he turns, he is surrounded by memories of the little boy he still considers his son, even knowing he’ll never get to see him again.

One evening in the week after Thanksgiving, a full month after Wes removed Ethan from their home, as Kurt tries to relax into bed, he groans in pain as his neck muscles resist the soft safety of his pillow when he lies back.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asks quietly.

“I’m so stiff. I’ve been hauling too many essays around in my bag again.”

“Turn over. Let me help you relax a bit.”

Kurt rolls onto his stomach, folding his arms under his head.  Lying on his side next to Kurt, Blaine begins rubbing on the back of Kurt’s neck, rolling his fingers around each muscle, easing the knots and the kinks gently as he presses lovingly down from Kurt’s hairline, through the sides of his neck, into his shoulders.

“Mmmm. I like that.”

Buoyed by the content moans from Kurt, Blaine clambers up onto his knees next to Kurt, and begins to apply more pressure with the heel of his hand as he works the tension from Kurt’s shoulders and upper back, then rolling his knuckles over the supple flesh. Kurt can feel the all the stresses of his life making their way to the surface as the stiff knots begin to release under Blaine’s careful touch. He struggles for air as the pressures of work combine with the pain in his soul. His heart is aching as much as his muscles are, but Blaine can’t reach to massage that pain away.

Kurt unfolds his arms, planting his face directly into his pillow as his hands reach down towards his hips, fingers stretching wide to release any remaining tension as Blaine continues massaging his shoulders, down into the middle of his back, and then lower. Kurt’s moaning grows less content and more needy as Blaine’s hands work their way down.

“Love, if you keep going this way, I’m going to have a lot more tension in other places.”

Blaine chuckles, then leans over to kiss Kurt’s neck where it meets up with his shoulders, just a light peck, but enough to indicate his interest. It had been since before Ethan that they had taken time for more than a quick blow job.

“Mmmm. That’s even nicer.”

Kurt rolls up on his slide a bit to look over his shoulder. Blaine’s eyes, though sad, are somewhat playful and clearly interested. Kurt bites the corner of his lower lip as he rolls completely onto his back.

“Come here, then.”

After so many years together, making love with each other is a familiar dance. Kurt knows just how to move and how to touch to turn Blaine on completely in a matter of moments. Blaine knows when to play and when to focus to open Kurt up in a way that would never hurt, only bring him pleasure. Skin sliding on skin, lube on hands, fingers slipping inside, followed by his dick. This time, when Blaine slides inside Kurt, Kurt feels the absolute rightness of being completely filled, completely enveloped by his husband as they move together as one.

It doesn’t take long for Kurt to let go and spill his pleasure between them, followed quickly by Blaine.  As Blaine moans quietly, his orgasm filling Kurt completely, Kurt still finds himself feeling empty; his body is satisfied, but his heart splayed in two. Kurt lays under his husband, chest to chest, wrapped solidly in his arms, and slowly at first, tears begin to flow down the side of his face, into his hair. Blaine, eyes closed, satiated, leans his face up to kiss Kurt’s temple. Feeling the warm, wet trickle of tears, he opens his eyes.

“Oh, honey. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, God. No. You’re perfect. I just. . .” A single sob wracks Kurt’s body. “I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. You are my life.”

“You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Blaine brings his hand up to cup Kurt’s face, gently wiping away the tears with his index finger.

“I love you. Forever and always. I’m yours.”

Kurt sobs again, and it is as if a dam breaks. Tears flow steadily from his eyes as he tries to breathe, sob, and talk all at the same time, his thoughts pouring from his mouth before his brain has a chance to stop them.

“What if we never get picked again, Blaine? What if no one ever thinks we’re good enough? I don’t know why I ever thought this was a good idea. I’m going to be a terrible father. Anyone who looks at me knows that I’m not cut out to be a dad. . .”

Blaine seals his lips over Kurt’s, effectively cutting off Kurt’s stream of consciousness.

“Mmm. Stop that. You are wonderful and beautiful and loving and everything our baby needs in a daddy.”

“I thought I was Papa,” Kurt says plaintively.

“Fine. Everything our baby needs in a papa. Now let me hold you, kiss you, and just relax. Don’t undo all the good I did you with that massage.”

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just the massage . . .”

  


**December 2022**

  


The next morning, Kurt gets up feeling a bit brighter about things. He is still sad, but no longer devastated to the point he can’t function. He attacks his work with more energy than he’s felt in over a month, since that terrible day Wes came over and changed their life forever. He teaches his Thursday classes, grabs a salad for lunch from the deli in the student union, and sits himself down in front of his computer in his office to try and knock out a few grades on some essays that were submitted online. He hears a timid knock at his door and swings around to see Caroline Greyson peeking her head in the door.

“Professor Anderson-Hummel? Sir? Can I talk to you?”

Kurt smiles. “Of course. Come right in!”

“Thanks for your time, sir.”

“Sit down, please. How are your classes going? Are you all set for the end of the semester and finals?”

“Yes sir, I’m good for _this_ semester.”

Kurt doesn’t miss the emphasis in her voice. “What do you mean, for this semester? Is there a problem with your schedule next semester?”

“No sir, not with my schedule. Actually, I am really glad that I only have three classes left to take, and they’re all Journalism courses.”

“Then what’s the deal?” asks Kurt.

Caroline inhales deeply. “I’m dropping out after this semester. I have to quit school.”

  


“What are you talking about? You're in your senior year! You’re almost done with school! How can you quit now?” Kurt’s heart is in his throat. He’s having flashbacks to the day they found out they were losing Ethan. He can practically see Wes’s face sitting across the table in his office. “What did I do wrong?”

“Oh, Mr. Anderson-Hummel! You didn’t do a single thing wrong. I am the one that screwed up.” With that, Caroline begins to sob and collapses into the chair at the circular table.

Kurt snaps the pieces of himself back together as best he can. He steps around to her side of the table. “Caroline, may I put my hand on your shoulder?”

She nods as she sobs. Kurt grabs a tissue box from the edge of his desk, pulls a chair around and puts his hand gently on her shoulder. She leans over and presses her face into his shoulder, crossing her arms in front of herself. Kurt finds himself wrapping his arms around her, comforting her, not having a clue what is going on.

When her sobbing slows down, he rubs his hands up and down her upper back briefly then pulls away, offering her a tissue from the box. She smiles grimly through the tears still streaming down her face.

“Do you think you can tell me what’s wrong now? Maybe I can help you figure out another solution.”

Caroline sighs heavily. “There really isn’t another solution, I’m afraid. I’ve made a huge mistake, and I’m going to have to live with the consequences.”

“What on earth did you do?”

Caroline is staring resolutely at the table top. “I’m four months pregnant. My boyfriend took off as soon as he found out I didn’t want to ‘get rid of it’. I’m all alone, and I have no income. My parents cut me off as soon as I told them. I have to quit school and get a job so I can take care of my baby.” The tears continued to roll down her cheeks. “I’ve always wanted to be a mom, just now isn’t the best time. I’m so close to having my dreams come true and with one stupid mistake, I’ve ruined the best chance I had at a future.” The sobs start again, and this time Kurt doesn’t even ask. He just wraps her up in his arms and lets her cry.

Fifteen minutes go by and the sobs begin to taper off. Kurt makes some soft, soothing noises, rocking her back and forth little by little.

“You know you don’t have to quit school completely, Caroline. There are other options,” he says gently, when she has finally quieted down enough to hear his voice.

For the first time since she walked into his office, Caroline turns her tear-filled, red-rimmed eyes to look Kurt directly in the eyes. “With all due respect, sir, I am not getting an abortion. I know there are people out there who think I’m crazy, but I just can’t do that. That’s not a choice for me.”

“Have you considered applying for financial aid?”

“Ha. They use your household information from last year. Last year I had a live-in boyfriend and a savings account from my parents. There isn’t time to petition and reapply.”

Kurt sits, stymied, as he tries not to think about his own experience with the adoption system. He doesn’t want to imagine for a minute that there is a precious life inside this woman that some other couple might get to raise. Nevertheless, he sucks it up, takes a breath, and gently asks her, “Have you ever considered adoption?”

Caroline looks at him with wide eyes. “I thought about it, but I can’t stand the thought of knowing someone else is out there raising my kid, you know? I’d never get to see them or know how they’re doing, what they look like, how they’ll grow --”

Kurt feels like someone stabbed him in the heart, but he manages to keep his face even for the most part. “I know exactly what that feels like, Caroline. You have no idea.”

She tilts her head to the side, eyes full of concern.

Kurt, seeing the genuine care in her face, continues, “My husband and I have been trying to adopt for over a year. We had a baby placed with us at the end of the summer. Ethan.” His eyes well up with tears. It still feels too soon, even after almost two months. “The birth mother wasn’t completely honest with us or with the father. When he found out Ethan was his, he contested the adoption. We only had him for 31 days, but he was ours. He’s been gone longer than we had him, but I still feel like my son is out there in someone else’s house right now.” The tears stay in his eyes. Not one of them drops. Kurt considers it a miracle, even if he doesn’t actually believe in them.

“I’m so very sorry that happened to you, sir.”

“You might as well call me Kurt now, if I’m pouring my soul out to you.” Kurt chuckles a little. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to give up a child of my own volition. The day Wesley Montgomery took my son out of my arms was the worst day of my life. I never want to live through something like this again.”

Caroline’s tears were falling even if Kurt’s weren’t. “I wish upon everything I have that you hadn’t had to go through that. I would never want to know that I put someone through that much pain. Ever. And I really don’t think I could ever survive giving up a child. Never.”

“Well, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to survive it, but here I am. Whatever you decide to do, know that I will be here to help you, to support you, and if at all possible, to see you graduate on time.”

  
  


Kurt is more subdued than usual as he goes home that night.  The house is dark and quiet when he walks home from the bus stop. He finds his dinner in the fridge with a post-it note attached:

_Hi! Just a little something to brighten your evening! I love you!_

Next to the plate with his dinner is a slice of turtle cheesecake. Blaine must have either decided to take Royal on an extra-long walk to go downtown to the café that day before heading into the city, or he’d gotten in the car and driven over to Nyack. Kurt heats up his dinner plate in the microwave, grabs the mail off the kitchen counter, and sits down at the kitchen table. Caroline’s face appears in his mind, and he doesn’t see the words on the envelopes through his tears.

He puts his head down on his folded arms and lets the sobs come.

  
  


Blaine finds him asleep, slumped at the table, when he gets home. He picks Kurt up, getting an arm around his back, underneath his shoulders. Kurt stumbles, half awake, up the stairs to get ready for bed.

“She’s pregnant, Blaine. My Caroline is dropping out of school.”

“Hush now. Tell me tomorrow morning.”

“But Blaine! She’s got a baby, and she can’t be in school.”

“Okay, honey. Let’s get you to bed.”

Kurt snuggles in under the blanket. Blaine crawls in next to him and snuggles up behind him. Kurt is content to be the little spoon tonight, as amorphous villains come visit him in his dreams, and he wakes up with the sound of a crying baby ringing in his ears.

  


Blaine gets up with Kurt in the morning, making him a cup of coffee while he takes a shower. When Kurt comes downstairs, Blaine is sitting at the table, nursing his own mug of coffee, English Muffins with eggs and ham sitting at Kurt’s usual chair.

“Was I that bad last night? You think I’ve lost it?”

Blaine huffs in response. “It’s not that. I want to understand what happened, though. I haven’t seen you like that since the week after . . . after--”

“Say it Blaine. Since the week after they took Ethan away from us.”

“I don’t want to say it, Kurt. I just want to know what happened.”

Kurt sits down in his chair and takes a sip of his coffee. “Caroline Greyson came to see me yesterday.”

Blaine smiles with recognition. “Your favorite senior! How did that go?”

“Not real well. She’s planning on dropping out of school. She was coming to say goodbye.”

“What? Why? She’s so close!”

Kurt sings quietly:  


_Papa don’t preach, She’s in trouble deep_

_Papa don’t preach, She’s been losing sleep._

_But she made up her mind, she’s keeping her baby_

  


“Wow, really? She’s pregnant?”

“Apparently. And the father is a dumbass who took off on her.”

Kurt outlines the rest of Caroline’s situation while Blaine listens attentively.

“I guess I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t just finish school, though, before the baby comes. Doesn’t she know how impossible it will be to finish once it’s born?”

Kurt sighs. “It looks impossible either way. She doesn’t have the money it’s going to take to pay tuition, and she can’t get financial aid. Someone would have to cosign a loan in order for her to be able to pay for her last semester.”

Blaine looks straight into Kurt’s eyes. “Someone, huh?”

Kurt blinks.

“What are you thinking, Blaine?”

Blaine has his most serious expression on his face. “Kurt, why can’t we offer to put her through her last semester?”

“Because I’m her freakin’ advisor. There have to be about 100 guidelines and regulations I’d be breaking if I did that.”

“What if it wasn’t you?”

Kurt snorts. “I think the last name of Anderson-Hummel might give it away if you wrote the check, Blaine. The money comes out of the same account.”

“She wouldn’t have to know where they money came from, would she? Couldn’t we do it anonymously?”

Kurt starts to really think about what he’s hearing, imagining the possibilities. “That might actually work.”

  


The next morning at work, he starts to look into how it might look, to have “an anonymous donor” take care of Caroline’s final semester. As her advisor, he is able to access her registration records. She has already been to the registrar’s office to withdraw, but her file is still active in the system. He re-enrolls her, calculates the total fees due,  and sends Blaine down to the bursar’s  office the next morning, cashier’s check in hand.

“Good morning. I’d like to make a payment on a student account, please.”

‘Yes sir. Student’s name?”

“Caroline Greyson.”

“ID number?”

Blaine references the slip of paper Kurt had stuck in his pocket. “555-42-369”

“Amount?”

“I’ll be paying it in full.”

Blaine fills out the check, payable to New York University, hands it over to the clerk, and walks out of the office, grinning widely for the first time in weeks.

Kurt gets to tell Caroline the good news the following Monday, when the accounts show paid in full and the check has cleared the bank. She is hesitantly happy, still concerned about how to pay for her living situation and her medical bills, since she only has a bare minimum of insurance, enough to get her in under the law.

Kurt assures her that if worse comes to worst, he and Blaine would be happy to help with her medical bills. “After all, we thought we’d be paying for so much for Ethan by now  . . .”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that, si -- Kurt. Really. Thank you for letting me know about the anonymous payment. I promise you, I won’t screw this up again.”

 

 

Kurt and Blaine drop Royal at Kayla and Laura’s on their way to the airport to head back to Ohio for Christmas. They had seen Kayla in passing in town a couple of times, but hadn’t had a chance to catch up with her beyond the perfunctory arrangements for another visit with Royal.

 Neither Kayla nor Laura can look at either of them in the eye when they first walk in, but Kayla gets over it quickly, wraps Blaine in a giant hug, and whispers in his ear, “This doesn’t have to be the end, you know,” then promptly bursts into tears.

Blaine’s eyes fill with tears and Kurt steps in to disentangle his husband, only to find himself wrapped in a bear hug as well. He stands there uncomfortably and pats Kayla on the back while Blaine stands to her side, rubbing her shoulder awkwardly, comforting her while she cries.

Laura steps over, looking embarrassed. “Mom, come on. They need to go to the airport.” She looks at Kurt for the first time and then rolls her eyes as if to say _God, can you believe her?_

Kayla is still sobbing, “I’m so sorry, guys. I’m just so sorry. Why did it have to be like this?”

Kurt looks up at the cracked crown molding framing the ceiling and says, “I wish I knew, Kayla. I wish I knew.”

He disentangles himself, Blaine takes his hand, and they say their farewells, hoisting their backpacks on and heading into town to catch the bus to the airport.

Kurt spends the ride into town and the flight zoned into his tablet, headphones in. He doesn’t look at Blaine nor acknowledge what happened at the neighbor’s house. It is too much to process at the moment. He just wants to see his dad.

 

Burt and Carole are both waiting for them when their flight lands. Kurt spots them first and finds himself wrapped in a patented Burt Hummel Bear Hug before he knows what hit him. He breathes in the familiar fragrance of cologne mixed with tire and motor oil. It smells like home. This hug is one he could stand in forever, but of course, life goes on.

They only have their backpacks, so getting out of the airport is quick and easy. It is Friday night, and Carole has Friday Night Dinner waiting in the crockpot for them when they get to the house.

“I wasn’t sure what you guys would be up for after a day of traveling, but I thought chili would keep well even if you weren’t hungry.”

“Chili sounds great, Carole,” replies Kurt. “Actually, anything I don’t have to think about to cook sounds perfect.”

Carole smiles widely and shoos them out to the table with bowls and spoons. Burt brings in chips, sour cream, and cheese and Carole carries in the crock pot to set in the center of the table. She serves them and then sits down. Everyone begins eating quietly. After he finishes his first bowl, Burt clears his throat, and Kurt and Blaine look over at him.

“So boys, how are you really doing?”

Kurt inhales sharply through his nose.

Blaine responds quietly. “We’ve been better, Burt, but I think we’re okay given the circumstances.”

Carole reaches across the table and takes his hand. “It’s okay if you aren’t, you know? It’s okay not to be okay.”

Kurt stands up and walks upstairs. The other three just watch him go.

 

The next day is Christmas Eve, and Kurt spends the day going through the kitchen, making a grocery list, shopping, and busying himself with as many preparations as he can for the next day’s meal. He only makes one pie, pumpkin, because apple was Finn’s favorite and Kurt can’t bear to think about making one this year.

 

The last time Christmas morning felt as somber was the year Finn died. This year is almost as bad. Everywhere Kurt looks he thinks “Ethan should have been here to see this,” or “Wouldn’t this be great with a baby.” He imagines pictures of his baby boy sticking his head out of a stocking. He knows Carole had one made with Ethan’s name on it. He’s grateful she got rid of it before he had to see it. At least, he assumes she got rid of it, because he’s not about to ask her. He thinks about the ornaments on the tree, wishing there was another Baby’s First ornament beside his own and Finn’s. There are still presents under the tree to open, but as has become their tradition after Finn’s death, they wait to open them until after breakfast.

Kurt unwraps a beautiful, black, leather-bound journal from his dad and Carole. The cover is supple and soft to the touch, flexible in his hands. “It’s beautiful, guys, thank you.” Kurt tries to show some enthusiasm, but he is feeling completely spent again, surrounded by so much that he wishes he could share with Ethan, knowing that he will never see it.

Burt and Blaine share a look across the room while Kurt is turning the journal over and over in his hands. Burt nods silently to himself, then asks “Where is the next one, Carole? Keep ‘em coming!”

“Get up and get them yourself, then, old man. I’m over here enjoying my new cookbook, planning all sorts of fun things.”

Burt guffaws and gets up out of his chair. Kurt is still looking down as if he’s looking at his gift, but his eyes aren’t focused. Blaine reaches over to take his hand, but Kurt pulls away as soon as he feels the pressure. It is just too hard to focus on what is happening around him. Kurt looks at the concern in Blaine’s eyes and excuses himself to the bathroom. He actually ends up back in Finn’s old room, which hasn’t changed all that much in ten years. Carole had taken out his clothes and donated a lot of his things, but the décor is still the same as it was when Finn was living there, faggy lamp and all.

 

Ten minutes after he sits down on Finn’s old bed, he hears footsteps coming up the stairs. Assuming it’s Blaine, he says “In here, Honey.”  He is surprised to see that it’s Carole who comes through the door.

“Kurt, god, what are you doing in here?”

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I just needed a place to get out of my head for a while.”

Carole snorts. “You thought being in here would get you out of you head?”

Kurt sighs. “It at least helped me focus on something other than my missing son.”

“Yeah, right. Now you’re focusing on my missing son instead.”

Kurt looks up at her from his perch on the end of the bed. “How did you stop missing him?”

“I never stopped, not once. I don’t think I ever will.”

“How can you get through the day with the ache in your heart, then? I mean, I’ve lost my mom and my brother, but I don’t remember either of them hurting like this. Ever.”

“The ache never went away, but it has gotten lighter over time. I know I was so very blessed to have him for every day he was alive. I hang on to that, Kurt, every day.” There are tears pooling in Carole’s eyes, but they don’t fall.

“But we only had him a month! Finn was my brother for years. Why is this so different?”

“There is something magical that happens the moment a baby is placed in your arms as yours. You will never forget that moment, Kurt, but you can’t let stopping having a child stop you from living your life.”

“So what do I do next? People keep telling us we can try again, adopt again, but I’m not sure I want to live through this again.”

“Not every birth mom backs out, Kurt. Hundreds of successful adoptions happen every single day. You know that.”

“I know, but ours wasn’t one of them.”

At that moment, Blaine knocks on the door. “Hey, Burt is wondering if we should call the rescue squad. Is everything okay in here?”

Kurt looks at Carole and lifts his mouth in a semblance of a smile. “I’m okay. Let’s go finish opening presents.”

 

That night in Kurt’s old bed, Blaine rolls up on his side and rests his head on his hand, running his other hand up and down Kurt’s abdomen. “Wanna tell me what you and Carole were talking about?”

“I was missing Ethan – and Finn, too – so I asked her how she copes, if it will get better, you know?”

“And what did she say?”

“Just that it hurts less over time, but it never really goes away.”

“Sounds like wisdom to me.”

Kurt replies, “Yeah, I guess. I just want to stop hurting so damn much.”

“I know, me too, but you know what I want even more? I want my son back.”

Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine, and they both cry themselves to sleep.

 

They have to leave the next day, but they’ve planned their flights to make for the longest possible time in Ohio. They eat breakfast as a family, and Carole heads off to work, saying her goodbyes with kisses and hugs and promises to Skype more.

Kurt runs a load of laundry after breakfast while Blaine packs their presents into a borrowed suitcase, knowing that Burt and Carole will bring it home the next time they visit New York. It is an old habit they picked up during their college years, and it works beautifully, every time.

Once the laundry is finished and they are completely packed, they sit down at the table with Burt to have a quick lunch before he drives them back to Columbus for their flight home.

“Okay, boys. Let’s get real here. How are you really doing?”

Kurt looks at Blaine, who looks like he might have just swallowed an entire cranberry without chewing. “We’ll be okay, Dad. We’re dealing with it.”

“Dealing with it, how, exactly?”

“We’re talking about it, planning out our next steps, crying when we have to – we’re dealing with it. There’s no rule book on how to handle this.”

Blaine chips in, “We’ve been talking about whether or not we want to try again, find another birth mom and give it another shot.”

Burt looks at them both, “What are you thinking?”

Blaine starts in first, “We’re both still pretty upset, as you can imagine. I just want my son back.”

Kurt jumps in, a little louder, “Seriously. Why are people so quick to think we can replace him just because he was only with us a month?”

Blaine continues, voice rising, “I know, right? He is our son, whether we had him a month, a year, or a lifetime. He is our son.”

Kurt adds, “Even if we adopt again, it’s not like we’re going to get another Ethan, is it? There will never be another Ethan, just like there will never be another Finn.”

They stop at that point, looking over at each other, and Kurt echoes himself, “There will never be another Ethan.”

Burt smiles sympathetically. “Of course there won’t ever be another Ethan. There shouldn’t be another Ethan. You will never be able to replace what you lost any more than Carole and I were able to replace Finn. That doesn’t matter. What you have to decide is if it is worth it to risk the pain of trying again and failing in order to maybe have a shot at having something.”

“What if we decide it isn’t worth it?”

“Then that’s what you decide. Don’t get hung up on the details of how it’ll happen. If you decide to go for it again, that’s fine, but remember, parenthood is a big thing, but it isn’t everything. You can do a lot of good in the world just as you are.”

Kurt smiles his first full-on, reach-the-eyes smile of the weekend. “Thanks, Dad. We’ll remember that. Parenthood is a big thing, but it isn’t everything.”


	6. Chapter 6

**January 2023**

  


Kurt and Blaine call Wes after they get back from Ohio and ask him to put their file on inactive status. They need time to refocus and heal before taking on the worry and stress of not knowing again. It is easier to know it is just not going to happen, at least for now.

Kurt goes back to teaching at the start of spring semester, and Blaine keeps on singing Easy Street for 8 shows a week, grateful for the continuing demand of the audience for this revival of Annie. They take the time to put all of Ethan’s things in boxes and tuck them into the basement, dismantling the swing and the play pen, which hadn’t even been used. He hadn’t had the chance to grow into it. They donate the unopened cans of formula to the food bank. They haven’t given up on the idea of a child completely, but it just isn’t healthy for them to be surrounded by Ethan’s things anymore. The loneliness they instill in Kurt and Blaine hurts too deeply.

Royal is mellowing as he ages. He is no longer a puppy nor a teenager. He still loves taking walks out to the end of the pier, chasing his ball all over the parking lot, and being staked outside, running in circles, but he is much less likely to take an unexpected swim in the Hudson or destroy something in the house.

Kurt gets excited each time he sees Caroline walking around campus, her baby bump growing steadily over the weeks. She still stops in to see him every so often, checking in with him to make sure she is on par to graduate on time. She will have to take her exams early, as her due date is smack in the middle of finals week. He offers once again to help with her medical costs, but she declines again, gratefully. She asks him questions about the open adoption agreement they’d had with Julia, and to his surprise, thinking about it hurts less than it used to.

 

**February 2023**

 

The night before Valentine’s Day this year is a Monday. They’ve long ago stopped celebrating the holiday, deciding to live as if every day is a day to celebrate their love, but this year Kurt decides it’s time to do something special for Blaine, just the two of them.

He makes reservations at the Sidewalk Bistro in downtown Piermont. It is within walking distance from their house, and fortunately, the weather this winter is not nearly as cold as it could be. Kurt and Blaine get dressed up in suits and ties, slip on their loafers, and enjoy an exquisite French meal in the quiet restaurant. They revisit their conversation about the adoption process and decide they still want to wait before putting themselves back in the market. They are still too fragile, too hurt, and need more time to heal. The loneliness they are feeling without Ethan in their home hasn’t gone away, but it is preferable to the agony of not knowing, of waiting and wondering and hurting and fearing that something awful is just waiting to happen.

  


The rest of the semester goes by in its usual blur of lessons planned, lectures taught, and papers graded. Kurt finds himself encouraging more students to go into the Media Criticism concentration than ever before, and several invite him to be their advisor. He is recommended by his department head as the Teacher of the Year for the College of Arts and Sciences. When he comes home with that news, the celebratory blow job is one he’ll remember for a long time. His heart is whole again. Patched and scarred, but whole.

  
  


**April 2023**

The last Monday in April dawns warm and clear.

“Kurt Hummel speaking.”

“Kurt, Wes Montgomery. Are you and Blaine going to be around anytime today?”

“He’s off today. Monday’s are dark, but I’m teaching all day, why?”

“Do you have time to sneak out for lunch with an old friend?”

“Probably. I’ll check with Blaine.”

  


The time is quickly arranged, and Kurt has a date with his husband and their lawyer for lunch in between his morning classes and afternoon office hours. He dismisses his late morning class a few minutes early to make sure he gets to Wes’s office on time.

Blaine is waiting for him with a bag from the deli and a cup of coffee when he arrives. Kurt takes his hand, and together they ride the elevator up to Wes’s floor, each lost in his own world of reminiscing about the other times they’d made this same trip, back before their hopes had been shattered.

Wes smiles and greets them enthusiastically as he ushers them back to the conference room where they’d first met Maggie and Julia.

Kurt breaks the pleasantries first. “What is this all about, Wes? What’s going on?”

Wes is grinning maniacally. “You aren’t going to believe this.”

Blaine smiles sardonically. “Lay it on us, Wes. You dragged us away from our daily lives for a purpose.”

“I have a mother who would like to place her child with you two.”

Kurt’s jaw drops as Blaine’s eyebrows climb his forehead. “What?!”

Kurt starts speaking first. “How is this even possible? I thought our file is inactive?”

“It is! That’s what makes this so perfectly amazing. Miraculous, you might say.”

Blaine pipes up, “So how _did_ this happen, then?”

“She came in last week, asking for me by name. I guess she works at NYU, Kurt.”

Kurt looks at Wes in stunned silence, not understanding what is happening.

Wes continues, “I guess she heard my name from you, as well. Anyway, she is in a tough situation financially, but that isn’t her main reason for adoption. She says that she is really not prepared to have this child on her own, and as much as she wants children someday, this is just not the right time.

“She said she knows that you both are more than ready to be parents and would do a much better job of taking care of her child than she could right now.”

Kurt and Blaine look at each other, having a conversation without words.

Blaine turns to Wes first and says “Thank you so much for letting us know about this Wes, but we need some time to think. Neither of us wants to rush into anything again after Julia.”

“Understood. Take all the time you need. I don’t think she’s going anywhere. Not this time.”

Blaine rides back to the university with Kurt in silence, both of them pondering their options. Kurt has several different plans for the afternoon’s office hours, but none of them seem important anymore. He hangs a sign on his door, grabs his things, packs his bag, and they head off towards the ride home.

When they get back to Piermont, they decide to go to the café rather than the house. The weather has warmed up nicely, so they take their coffee to go and walk out to the end of the pier. It seems strange to be out there without Royal running around and acting crazy, but since it’s the middle of a Monday afternoon, the peace and quiet settle around them like a soothing blanket.

“What do you think?”

“Good question. I’ve been trying to think through all my colleagues to figure out who this might be, but I can’t think of a woman I teach with who is pregnant but unattached.”

“Even apart from the idea of who the mother is, what do you think? Is this something you are even ready to consider?”

Kurt sighs deeply. “I wasn’t before, but now that the possibility is out there so easily, it’s hard not to hope a little bit, don’t you think?”

“I think I’m hoping more than just a little bit.”

They walk hand-in-hand back to the house and take Royal out into the backyard for a bit, throwing his ball back and forth while he runs in between them, jumping and barking and stretching and playing, making them laugh down deep in their guts while he does.

They cook dinner together and sit at the table to eat it, chatting quietly and discussing everything, from the mundane to the profound. They decide that Blaine will call Wes in the morning to ask him to set up a meeting with this mystery mother, and then they head to bed to continue their conversation.

  


The next morning, Kurt is still on the bus on the way into the city when Blaine gives Wes the news that they are willing to meet with the birth mother. Kurt reads over his texts to discover that she is able to meet with them that afternoon. Blaine will ride in early, and again, they’ll meet up at Wes’s office for the second day in a row.

Kurt can’t sit still once they get to the conference room. He’ll be having nightmares about that room until he’s old and fabulous.  When Wes’s secretary knocks on the door a few minutes later, Kurt is stunned to see that Caroline Greyson is standing beside her.

“Caroline? What are you --? Oh my God. It’s you! You’re the mom Wes is talking about! Wes, you idiot! She doesn’t work at NYU! She’s my student!

“Blaine! This is my Caroline! This is her! I mean, oh my God, this is really happening!”

Blaine extends his hand in greeting. “Good afternoon, Ms. Greyson. I’m Blaine Anderson-Hummel. I believe you already know my better half?” Blaine’s smile at that moment is something Kurt wants to capture forever.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you in person, sir. I’ve heard quite a bit about you, and I’ve seen you perform. You’re amazing.”

“Ha. Thank you. What I do is fun, but what you are offering to us is really amazing. Are you sure? Really, truly certain that this is what you want?”

Kurt turns to look at Caroline and forgets to breathe while he waits for her answer.

“I don’t have a doubt in my mind. I know I told Kurt I couldn’t give up a child, but the more I think about it and the closer I get to my due date, the more I realize, I can’t keep it either. If I can’t raise my child myself, I can’t think of any better people in the world than you two. You should hear the way he talks about you, sir. I’ve never seen anyone so in love.”

One glance at Blaine and Kurt knows. They look at Wes and smile.

  


Kurt decides to watch the performance of Annie that evening. He doesn’t want the joy to end. When they get home together at midnight, Kurt plugs his iPod into the dock in the living room, switches on the music, and holds his hand out to Blaine.

“Dance with me?”

“Anytime, love. Anytime.”

They wrap themselves around each other and in the background, they hear the classic jazz piano introduction. Blaine smiles sweetly and sings softly along with the classic track.

_At last_  
Our love has come along  
Our lonely days are over  
And life is like a song.

Kurt leans back in order to look at Blaine in the eyes, checking to make sure the joy he is feeling himself is visible in Blaine’s eyes as well. He leans in and presses his lips to Blaine’s, kissing him sweetly, longingly. Blaine’s arms tighten around his waist, drawing him closer, closer in until there is no space at all between them. They are one unit, moving together to the music.

Kurt picks up the song.

_I found a dream that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to press my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_   


“It’s really happening, baby. We’re going to be daddies again, this time for good.”

  


They spend their time over the next few weeks slowly unpacking all of Ethan’s things that they’d packed away. They had never dismantled the nursery, choosing instead to just close the door so they wouldn’t have to look at everything. Blaine spends his days doing laundry, cleaning all the blankets, onesies, bibs and drying them, folding them and tucking them back into the drawers. It is therapeutic, like he’s washing away all the painful memories, keeping the beautiful ones and tucking them away where they’d be useful.

Kurt spends the evenings organizing the nursery supplies, setting up the swing, the pack and play, the bottle warming station, and getting the kitchen cupboards sorted out to make room for baby formula and bottles.

One Wednesday afternoon during his office hours, Kurt’s phone rings with an unknown number.

“Kurt Anderson-Hummel, speaking.”

“Kurt, it’s Caroline. I’m in the ER.”

“Oh my God, are you okay? Is it time?”

“It’s time. Get here soon.”

“We’ll be there. I promise.”

 

Blaine is onstage for the matinee, so Kurt takes the subway over to the theater and waits outside the stage door, flowers in hand. When the orchestra and chorus members start coming out the door, he pulls his phone out and sends a quick text:

_I’m outside. Come soon._

Blaine walks out the door not two minutes later, eyes scanning the crowd. Kurt catches his eyes, unable to contain his smile, and Blaine runs over to him.

“Is it time?”

“It is.”

  


They arrive in plenty of time to support Caroline for their daughter’s birth, just before midnight. Blaine stands on one side, Kurt on the other, holding her hands and breathing along with her as they welcome their daughter into the world.

When the baby is placed into Kurt’s arms for the first time, Caroline is watching from her bed, tears pouring down her face.

“What are you going to name her?”

Blaine smiles at Kurt, who answers, “Riley. It means courageous, just like her mother.”

Caroline smiles through her tears, hiccuping with laughter while she cries.

Kurt carries the baby over to the bed.

Blaine announces, “Caroline, meet our daughter, Riley Greyson Anderson-Hummel.”

  


They spend the night at the hospital with their little girl. The next day, both men spend the day at the hospital with the baby in the nursery. Caroline asks for a few minutes alone with her to say goodbye, but she doesn’t want to spend the day with her daughter, thinking it will only make the separation harder. That evening, neither Kurt nor Blaine wants to go home again, so for the second night, they make themselves as comfortable as they can on the hospital furniture in their two-day-old clothes with the nurses waking them up when Riley needs to eat. The doctors discharge Riley first thing Friday morning. Kurt and Blaine carry her, sleeping, to the metro, riding out to Port Authority, getting her on the bus and all the way home before she wakes up.

Royal looks extremely put out when they get home, as the last time he had seen either of them, Blaine had staked him in the yard on Wednesday morning before heading in to perform. The neighbors have kept his food and water full, but since it is such a beautifully warm spring, they’d left him outside both nights that Kurt and Blaine had been gone.

Blaine lets Kurt carry Riley into the house while he goes around to the back to get the dog.

“Guess what, buddy? We’ve got another baby for you to guard,” Blaine says while giving Royal a thorough rub down, scratching behind his ears, stroking over his back and sides, rubbing his tummy, and patting him on the head as Royal wiggles and squirms and yips. “Come and meet her.”

Blaine brings Royal into the house through the kitchen. They head into the living room together, where Kurt is sitting on the couch with Riley. Royal bounds into the room, then stops, looking warily at the bundle in Kurt’s arms. He walks over to her, sniffs gently, and promptly plops his head on the couch cushion next to Kurt, looking up at him with classic puppy-dog eyes, mouth wide in its doggy smile.

Kurt and Blaine laugh together, and Kurt says, “Glad she meets with your approval, Royal.”

  


46 days later, they send out birth announcements.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic came about in an unusual way. I was an author for the Klaine Reverse Bang last spring and summer. If you aren’t familiar with the KBRB, how it works is artists provide pictures as prompts that writers then offer to create a story around. I was so pleased to have the time and space available to write, to share stories with some amazing artists and to pair up with another writer and co-write a story for the first time. I offered myself up as a pinch hitter when several authors dropped out, and this story is a result of one of the pieces that was offered to me. Of course, the idea of the KBRB is that this was supposed to be a 6,000 word story that would be posted by the end of August. I had more than 6,000 words written at that time, but in no way was the story done nor ready to be posted. In hindsight, it would have been a miracle if I had managed to pull together a third story in three months, but I accepted the artwork with the full intent of completing this story in time. 
> 
> I have so many people to thank for this story. First and foremost, BowtieDarling, the creator of the art that inspired it all, as well as the moderator of the KBRB in the first place. Each of the three pieces I wrote were integrally tied to her work. The first piece, Letters from Gabe, was her art. The second piece, Unlikely Bliss, we co-wrote, and now this one, Royal Guard, is again her artwork. 
> 
> Next, is Annie, the incomparable IconicKlaine. She was available to me at all hours, answering text messages, e-mails and tumblr requests for information about New York. The setting of the story was entirely her find for me. She even went so far as to have her wife take us on a tour of the town of Piermont when we visited her last summer, and we drove out to the end of the pier. Our kids skipped rocks into the Hudson at the exact place I picture Royal jumping in in part 3. It is only natural that her family makes an appearance in this story, under pseudonyms, of course. She did a final read-through for me to check the accuracy of the setting and the details of New York and of course, she found several areas I could improve. I hope I did it justice, Annie!
> 
> Kate, dearest AnxiousSquirrel, must come next. Without her to bounce ideas off and offer pointed criticism at exactly the right moments, this story would have been significantly shorter and quite frankly, terrible. She inspired me to show, not tell my way through the hard parts. The angst would not have been nearly as vivid nor as real without her. She spent countless hours reading draft after draft and making comments to point me in the right direction. 
> 
> BeautifulHigh, otherwise known as Teacher Jen, got me off on the right foot last summer when I first began this thing. I was so frustrated and ready to give up because I couldn’t make what was in my head come out on the page. She gave me a crash course in showing, not telling and got me started down the right path so Kate and Annie could have something to work with. Then, she followed up with a final read through to make sure I had done it all justice and found a couple more scenes for me to do better. 
> 
> FlamingMuse spent an evening coaching me through the adoption process from her perspective. 
> 
> And last, but certainly not least, my sweet betas, SlayerKitty and Tonks42, who catch comma errors and spacing errors and word choice errors and every other kind of error that I really should know better than to do, considering I teach kids not to make those same mistakes, but yet I still make them (run-on sentence, anyone?). Any error that remains is entirely my own fault. They most likely told me to fix it and I missed it, lol!


End file.
